


Nearly Human

by Caedmon



Series: Nearly Human 'verse [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Bad Wolf Bay, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, TenToo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-18 03:25:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 32,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4690379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caedmon/pseuds/Caedmon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The square imprint in the sand was all that was left behind, and he knew that the wind and surf would soon erase it, leaving nothing but memories behind - no matter how tortured - for he and the woman whose hand he held. Rose.</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Rose Tyler.</i>
  <br/>
  <i>His Rose.</i>
  <br/>
  <i>But also <i>his</i> Rose. The Doctor that had just flown away, never to return. She belonged to <i>him</i>, too.</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Rose had once told him that being stuck with him wasn’t so bad. She was the only person who could possibly make this right. There were indications and hope that Rose may be with him; the fact that she had kissed him when he whispered that he loved her and the comforting weight of her hand in his. They were glimmers of hope. He prayed that that would be enough.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fly Away Home

**Author's Note:**

> the usual disclaimers -  
> I own nothing. Like, nothing.  
> Kudos and comments are the lifeblood of artists and writers, please keep us alive!. <3  
> Come say hi! You can come to my main[ tumblr blog](caedmonfaith.tumblr.com), my mostly shipping/fanfic [tumblr sideblog](clintasha-n-olicity.tumblr.com), or my [Facebook page.](https://www.facebook.com/bbamazeballs)
> 
> I'm updating this fic as often as possible.  
> Please, let me know what you think... I'm quite nervous about this!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _He's everything you want_  
>  _He's everything you need_  
>  _He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be_  
>  __  
>  _He says all the right things_  
>  _At exactly the right times_  
>   
>  _But he means nothing to you and you don't know why_  
>   
>  ~Vertical Horizon, Everything You Want

The square imprint in the sand was all that was left behind, and he knew that the wind and surf would soon erase it, leaving nothing but memories - no matter how tortured - for he and the woman whose hand he held. Rose.

Rose Tyler.

His Rose.

But also _his_ Rose. The Doctor that had just flown away, never to return. She belonged to _him_ , too.

But would that Doctor return? If it had been him, this man, the man standing right here holding her hand, he knew that he would do everything in his power to get back. The loss of Rose before had left him a broken shell, he didn’t know if The Other Doctor could weather another loss like that. He knew that The Other Doctor (that’s how he separates them in his mind now, and he must separate them, they have to be separate for his own sanity, his task now is to separate them in Rose’s mind) who had just flown away was suffering mightily, and that the only thing in the world The Other Doctor wanted was to come back and reverse the decision he’d just made even though to do so would damage time and space. But wasn’t that Doctor a Time Lord after all? Weren’t they both, he and the DoctorDonna? It could be done - but it would be incredibly destructive to do so. And what would he, the man standing on the beach holding Rose’s hand, do then?

He’d known he loved her from shortly after he met her. He’d known he loved her well before he lost the form of the irascible, big-eared arse he’d been before he took on the form he had now, (oh those ears, those huge flapping things, what had he been thinking?). Well before she stopped running around with Mickey-the-former-idiot. Well before Captain Jack. He’d been all over time and space, met thousands of species, but in all of his travels in nearly a millennium, he’d met no one like Rose. He’d loved no one like Rose. He’d love no one like Rose.

He looked back at the square imprint, sorrow overtaking his heart, thoughts swirling in his mind like the grains of sand in the eddys washing into the bay. He was stranded here. He was stranded with Rose and the only family and friends he’d known in centuries - well, there were a few people missing, most notably the ginger loudmouth who’d just flown away, but he was still stranded. There was nowhere to go. His other self had been supremely confident of Rose’s love for him to leave him here, knowing that.

Donna. Oh, Donna. He was almost certain what was going to happen to her, and he ached for her. He had a special insight into her now, wondered if his other self knew that she genuinely didn’t think herself intelligent and worthy, and what he was truly ripping away from her when he inevitably took her gift away. Away from the best friend he’d had in centuries. He was going to miss Donna terribly. He’d lost Donna and the Tardis, but he’d gained Rose. He’d lost one of his hearts and the ability to fly, and nearly everything that made him special, but he’d gained the woman he loved more than his next breath. What if she couldn’t love him?

Fear gripped his lone, remaining heart.

Once, long ago, he’d told her that he could save the world but lose her - and that had been unthinkable. Completely unacceptable. He’d let her die once and it had taken a dalek - of all things, a bloody _dalek_ , to make him realize just why the thought of her dead had nearly broken him in that basement office in Utah. He’d nearly lost her, and he’d resolved in that moment couldn’t let that happen - he’d not lose her. The universe mocked him, though, and that loss had happened in the end... and may happen again, if he wasn't extremely careful. 

In the same big-eared body he’d fallen in love with her in, he’d thought of himself as hopeless when it came to this woman standing in front of him. He’d thought of himself as a moon, cold and dead, suspended in the dark void of space, in orbit around her, with only the occasional stray ray of light and warmth from her to light him. It had been the thrill of all his lifetimes when he’d discovered that he wasn’t a hopeless moon after all, he’d actually been the object of her love and the recipient of all her warmth and light. He’d doubted anything and everything in the universe, but he’d believed in her. Boldly, unashamedly, with reckless abandon, he’d believed in her and she believed in him. He knew that his soul had met its match in the little pink shop girl. He still knew that. He always would.

Now he wondered if she still believed in _him_.

He’d lost his entire world: his friends, his sole possession, the universe that was his home - but he’d gained the love of his lives. Maybe. What had happened now, this abandonment on a beach in another dimension, he hadn’t seen coming. He lost his world but gained Rose. _Maybe_. He’d thought with Madame D’Pompadour he was stuck on the slow path, then again with Rose when they circled the black hole, but as always she had made it right and he’d managed to get back on their path both times. Now he genuinely was stuck on the slow path, but he was stuck with Rose. Molto bene, as far as he was concerned. _Allons-y!_

Rose had once told him that being stuck with him wasn’t so bad. God, please let her still think that. She was the only person who could possibly make this right. There were indications and hope that Rose may be with him; the fact that she had kissed him when he whispered that he loved her and the comforting weight of her hand in his. They were glimmers of hope. He prayed that that would be enough.

He hoped she would forgive him his grief for his loss. He looked down at their joined hands, seeking reassurance that they would be okay.

Rose turned to look at him, her blonde hair blowing in the sea breeze and soft tendrils drifting lazily against the face he loved so fiercely. Her eyes displayed all of the emotions he would expect from her: hurt, confusion, loss, curiosity, love. He imagined his face reflected those emotions.

But there was love there, and he could work with that. He’d been in more hopeless situations in this, and he’d pulled through.

This was Rose, though, and he couldn’t afford a single misstep. To ruin anything with Rose would lead to the destruction of everything: the destruction of him, his soul, his mind, and his single, fragile heart.

He squeezed her hand gently, resisting the urge to brush away the stray tear that fell to her cheek. She needed to cry. She needed to feel everything she was feeling. As much as it pained him, as much as it scared him, she deserved to feel all of these things. He would be here when she was ready to talk.

She squeezed back, giving him a little quirk of the lips, then shook her hair out of her face when she turned back to look at the square in the sand. His left hand touched the comforting weight of the bits he had from his old life in his pocket - the sonic screwdriver, the psychic paper and the bit of Tardis, and he reminded himself that he was The Doctor. He was her Doctor. He could prove it, but on her terms. He knew his Rose, and she would come around. She just needed time.

He heard Jackie behind him, and the sound startled him. His thoughts had consumed him so completely that it had escaped his memory that she was even there. _Oh please, don’t let me lose all of my cleverness and go full human because of this,_ he prayed to no one.

“Yes, hello, this is Jackie Tyler, personnel code 38592. We need transport for three from Dårlig Ulv-Stranden. Yes. Myself, Rose Tyler, and the Doctor.” The Doctor looked in her direction. “No. No, Mickey Smith is not with us. No, not deceased, just remained behind by choice.” Her voice was choked and he idly wondered why. Didn’t they row a lot? She paused for a moment. “I don’t know, let me check.” She held a hand over the phone and called out, “Zepplin or car?”

The Doctor and Jackie both looked at Rose, who let her chin drop to her chest, dropping his hand, her hair and both hands hiding her face.

“Better make it a zeppelin or two cars.”

~*~O~*~

He had done an amazing number of things in his nine centuries of life, but he could honestly say that zeppelin travel was not one of them. Under any other circumstances, this would have been a bit exciting - an adventure that he would have been fairly bouncing over sharing with Rose. Her demeanor, however, made it perfectly clear that she was in no mood to bounce. To be honest, he wasn’t either. The zeppelin ride was somber and quiet; even Jackie gave up her typical prattle after a few moments of complaint about air travel. According to her, Pete had bought her a zeppelin when she arrived, thinking it would please her, saying that the other Jackie had been dying for one. She had been horrified at the thought of riding in a balloon. The Doctor himself wasn’t overly keen on the idea after he thought about it a while - he’d witnessed the Hindenburg go down and his own frail humanity was entirely too real now to him to be risking in such a deathtrap, no matter how safe he knew it to be cognitively.

Rose sat with her mother in the back of the zeppelin’s passenger area, her mother clutching her hand tightly. She sat quite still, staring out of the window while her mother muttered and whispered occasionally. She didn’t seem melancholy necessarily, nor angry, nor anything at all really, just...pensive. Quiet. Rose didn’t speak except to quietly answer direct questions from the Torchwood crew that flew the zeppelin and and murmur reassurances to Jackie when they would hit the occasional turbulence.

The Doctor also said nothing unless he had to. He didn’t try to touch her, not even when they boarded the zeppelin, leaving that to the pilot who jumped down to assist the ladies. He would give her her space if it killed him. It may tear at the remains of his one and only heart, but he’d do it.

They landed at Torchwood’s headquarters in London much sooner than he expected, but the flight still took an incredibly long and uncomfortable couple of hours. Traveling without a Tardis was going to be agonizingly difficult to get used to, he knew. He passed the time pondering his future as bravely as he could. Any time he’d been forced to ponder a future on the slow path before, it’d always been with small sliver of hope of going back to his old life. That life was gone, there was no chance of doing that. Not really. He could grow a new Tardis, but that would take years. His best hope was to win Rose’s heart, but he was considering worst-case scenarios at the moment. Contingency plans. He needed contingency plans.

Jackie bolted from the zeppelin as soon as the door to the hangar opened, and he wouldn’t have been surprised to see her kiss the ground. Rose climbed carefully down after her, resting an arm around her mother’s back reassuringly for a second and speaking to the officers that converged around her, giving orders and directions. The Doctor watched her, proud and impressed. The shop assistant from the basement of Henrik’s, his pink and yellow girl, had these men in uniform running at a word. She was in command. She was in control. Rose, who had been through so much - just in the last twenty-four hours she’d been through the ordeal of a lifetime - was ignoring her own pain and taking care of the things that must be done before she tended to herself. The same as she always had.

“...and see that my mother gets home.” Rose turned to Jackie. “Mum, I’m going by to see Dad now. Fletcher and Carr are going to take you home. If you need anything, they’ll be stationed outside the house until Dad or I get there. I won’t be long behind you, but Sharon will likely come ‘round if you feel lonely.”

Jackie jerked her into a tight, frightened embrace, clutching her tight. “I was so afraid you were gone this time, Rose.”

Rose squeezed her. “M’alright, Mum. M’always alright.” The Doctor jerked his head up and locked eyes with her for just a second at hearing his own words in her mouth. Rose shut her eyes tight again. “You go home, I’ll be along shortly. Ring Sharon.”

Jackie pulled back and cupped Rose’s face. “Alright. Love you.” Fletcher and Carr walked up to flank her and lead her towards the hangar, but Jackie turned away from them, stepping towards the Doctor. She stood on tiptoe, pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. He stooped to accommodate her and put his arms around her, letting himself accept the affection from his old nemesis.

“M’so glad you’re home, Doctor.” she said, squeezing him. “You’re here where you belong, and I’m so happy.”

His eyes flicked to Rose, who was watching the scene carefully, then he closed his eyes and hugged Jackie close, burying his face in her hair to fight off the sudden tears he felt. “I’m happy to be here, Jacks.”

She gave him another squeeze and pulled back, cupping his face just as she had Rose. He gave her a tired little curl of the lips and she smiled fondly at him. “You come on home with me, Doctor.”

The Doctor stiffened. Where was he going to stay? His contingency plans hadn’t taken Rose’s parents house into consideration. In nine centuries, he’d always had the Tardis to come home to. Now he was homeless. The loss of the Tardis hit him in a new way, and he knew it would hit him in countless ways for years to come.

Jackie continued, “Got a room ready for you n’everything. Been ready for ages. We always knew you’d come here in the end.” She patted his cheek warmly. “I ought to give you a good smack for making my Rose come after you, but I’m just too bloody happy to see you.”

The Doctor couldn’t speak, he just nodded. She smiled one more time at him, patting his cheek, then walked away, confident that he would follow. The guards flanked her, coming by her when she stopped off for one more quick kiss to Rose. He watched her go, wondering if he should actually follow, wondering where he was going to live. Ever since meeting Rose, he’d never wanted anything but living with her on the Tardis. 

The Tardis was gone, but Rose was not.

Bloody hell, there were a lot of balls in the air in the moment. He was used to having all of the answers. Right now, he had none. And as usual, when he didn’t know what was happening or what to do, the answer would lie with Rose.

Two men started towards the Doctor but Rose threw out a hand, holding them back. “No,” she said, looking at the Doctor. “Leave him be. That is the Doctor, he is the man we’ve been looking for, the purpose for the cannon. He is going to my father’s house. I vouch for him. He’ll come to you later: right now he deserves rest.”

Rose gave him a brief nod and he nodded back, following Jackie. The decision was made, and as always, he trusted Rose to make it right.


	2. Pete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Of course, according to Jacks, The Doctor who left claimed you to be dangerous,” Pete said in an offhanded manner._
> 
>  
> 
> _The Doctor nodded morosely._
> 
> _“She also reckons,” Pete leaned back up onto his knees, “that if you hadn’t done what you did, you’d all likely be dead, and everyone in that universe would have eventually died. Not only your universe, but this universe. Every universe.” The Doctor didn’t respond, just kept looking into the fire. “And she’s not the only one who thinks that.”_
> 
>  
> 
> Pete visits his daughter and the Doctor.

She let the debriefing go on longer than she expected to, and it was probably due to the fact that her mind was anywhere but in the room. Through the asking and re-asking of questions, she explained what had happened, explained about the meta-crisis of The Doctor, and about the salvation of the multiverse by him. The explanation gave her a small bit of realization of what had actually happened.

Thoughts crowded out other thoughts and left her unable to actually form coherent answers immediately. After the gravity of what had just happened a short while ago began to pull on her, the Torchwood agents - her colleagues - began to ask the same questions they had answers to in a different way hoping to verify her answers, to get more detail. She answered perfunctorily or not at all.

Her cannon had worked. She’d gotten to the Doctor, she’d helped save all of reality - yet somehow reality seemed unreal. It settled around her in an unbelievable way. The last few hours could not have happened, right? She couldn’t be here talking about how the Doctor had split himself into two people.

But he had, and he’d left one of himself with her.

Thoughts upon thoughts, piling on top of each other. None made any sense; she wasn’t allowed to think on one long enough to make heads nor tails of it of it before another one intruded and demanded her attention. 

The Doctors were the same, right? Except for lifespans. And had he become Donna? She had to know these things, but she couldn’t find them out if she was sitting in a dinky little interrogation room in Torchwood. 

The Doctor that had flown away - the Doctor who had never told her he loved her, the Doctor who left her, the Doctor she had shared her life and bed with - he had said that the Doctor he left behind with her was dangerous. He hadn’t ever told her he loved her, and then he left her with someone he claimed was dangerous. It was a gift, Donna said, because the Doctor who looked and thought and sounded just like the Doctor she knew had only one heart. One life, given to her. His thoughts were the same, his looks were the same, but he would be hers. 

But if they were the same - shared the same brain, the same thoughts and everything, did that mean the other Doctor had loved her, too? His kiss electrified her just like the Doctor who had left. Their hands fit together the same way. And when the Doctor on the beach told her he loved her it was with such obvious sincerity, such husky, unfeigned depth, that she didn’t doubt him and his identity. He was her Doctor, just free. Free to love her, free to be hers. Her dreams, corporeal.

Then the Doctor she had known flew away, never to return, without looking back.

Had the Doctor who flew away planned this? Had he loved her all along? Was this a gift or a curse? Was she in love with the same man, or a stranger?

It just didn’t make sense.

Thoughts upon thoughts, chasing themselves around in her mind like hungry weasels. Rose shook her head without realizing, trying to clear her mind.

The door swung open and her father stood there, his presence filling the room while only his hand holding the door wide was physically in the room. “Wall, Fitzpatrick, my daughter is done answering questions for today. She’ll be available again at a later date. I’m taking her home now. Thank you.”

His tone brokered no negotiation; it was a command for three people, not two. All three rose from their seats, the two men filling out, nodding their respectful acknowledgements to Pete. He stepped inside the interrogation room and let the door close behind him, wrapping his arms around his daughter and held her close. She was forever surprised when he did that - and forever grateful. She’d longed for her father her whole life, and the strength of his arms holding her as she wept when she’d lost the Doctor’s arms three years ago had been a comfort, even if they hadn’t been a substitute. “Are you alright, Rose?”

“Yeah,” she replied into his shoulder. “M’alright.”

He pushed her away, gripping her by the shoulders while he looked her up and down as if to check for injuries. “Good,” he said after a moment. “Let’s get you home.”

“Really, Dad, I’m fine -”

“No, we’re going home now,” he said firmly. Then, with a bit of humor, “I can’t believe you left the Doctor there with your mother, alone. She’ll have clucked at him ‘til he’s barmy.”

~*~O~*~

He was dreading the questions from Torchwood that he knew would eventually come, but he also knew they were inevitable. How he would answer them - or _if_ he would answer them - he didn’t know. His inclination was to ignore any questions and answer them only with ‘I’m the Doctor’, since he was certain that Rose would have told them all about him when she was building the cannon to get to him. But he had Rose and her family to think about now, plus the fact that he had to live here in Pete’s World now, too. He couldn’t afford to be his typical aloof self. He had to consider his future on this planet, in this universe.

The future. He’d never considered the future, not really. Not for very long, anyway. Not before today. He’d known he’d die and regenerate, he’d known that he’d travel through space and time for centuries upon centuries. That was his future. He’d found his kindred spirit in Rose, though, and he wanted her with him. He’d left her sleeping almost every night, slipping off to the library, spending countless hours trying to find a way to keep her with him, to keep her young, to keep them together forever. He’d found no safe way. Still, anytime he visualized his future of travel of plummeting through the vortex, visiting new planets and learning new cultures, seeing the best of what space and time had to offer, he didn’t think of “he”. He thought of “we”. He’d stopped thinking of losing Rose - he understood that he may only have another fifty years with her, sixty or so at best, but understanding something wasn’t the same as surrendering to it. He wanted Rose with him as long as he lived, and he had known that she never wanted to leave him. So he kept researching.

It wasn’t until they were in the sanctuary base on Krop Tor and she mentioned getting a mortgage with him...a brick and mortar home, something other than the Tardis...when she told him that being stuck with him wasn’t so bad, that he realized that being stuck with her could be the most wonderful thing that ever happened to him. He’d park the Tardis and sign his name to a mortgage for her in a planck time, if that’s what she wanted. If she wanted doors and carpets he would give them to her. If she wanted to settle down, he would give it to her. Marriage, children...if she wanted that experience eventually, well, he could do that. She had such a short time. The Doctor could be a husband and perhaps father and be completely happy - with Rose. The slow path was appealing to him for the first time ever.

He wanted to be her future. He wanted to be her home. He wanted to be her safe harbor, whether it was on the Tardis or not. She could pick the location, as long as he was there.

Then she’d fallen through the void, that dream had died, and his future became bleak again. He had gone back to traveling through space and time, alone. Without his soulmate. Without that shop girl that had healed him and made him whole. He hadn’t realized just how whole she had made him until she was gone and he was left empty again.

So he traveled again, his future nothing but exploration and a vain attempt to find happiness through adventure.

He’d gone back to his life as the Doctor. Solitary, powerful. Amazing and terrible and full of wonders. But those wonders seemed hollow without Rose.

Soon Torchwood was going to come around asking if he was the Doctor, and he would make absolutely no bones about letting anyone and everyone know that he was, in fact, the Doctor - no matter how many hearts he had and whether or not he had a magic blue box. If they doubted him, fine. He wouldn’t release the Oncoming Storm as he was wont to do in situations where he was doubted and felt threatened, he had too much at stake now. They could watch him and figure it out on their own. There was only one person who needed to be convinced. Rose was the only person whose opinion mattered. Rose needed to know, to understand. He could make her understand, he was sure of it - when she was ready.

His heart ached for Donna. He missed her - he had loved Donna a great deal. She’d not healed the wound left when Rose fell into the void, not remotely, but she’d been somewhat of a salve to take just a little of the sting out of it. They didn’t fancy each other - he couldn’t fathom ever fancying anyone ever again. Martha had fancied him so strongly it had made everything like walking on eggshells with her. Donna was a breath of fresh air after that. Not having to worry that every word he said would lead her on, being free to love Rose completely but still have the freedom to love Donna completely in a totally platonic way...yes, he was going to miss Donna a tremendous amount. Donna had been his soulmate in a completely different way from Rose. He realized now that timelines had brought Rose and Donna to him - both of these women saved the universe and he loved them both. Neither would feel threatened by the other, he knew. He hated The Other Doctor for what he knew had to be done to Donna. He knew that it would break The Other Doctor’s heart to wipe her memories of him, that the fury and sadness he was feeling would be self-loathing and heartbreak for The Other Doctor, that just as he had lost his best friend so would The Other Doctor, but it didn’t lessen those emotions.

He thought of Donna, so insecure, believing she was rubbish her whole life, being told she was rubbish by everyone but her grandfather, being tricked into marriage, then suddenly becoming superior. The pride she felt in herself, the way her face brightened when she was able to do things she’d never be able to do in a million lifetimes if the two of them hadn’t merged. He thought of all the signs that the two of them were meant to cross paths, of the way their two timelines kept intersecting. The way they bonded so closely. He thought of how easily his consciousness accepted her humanness, but her physicality could not share his consciousness, and that to try to keep it would kill her. The thought of all her pride in herself being stripped away and she being forced to return to the life where she loathed herself, where she felt bullied and trampled, unloved…

Alone, in the quiet of the room provided to him by the Tylers, he finally allowed tears to fall. Not just for Donna, not just for his uncertainty about Rose and her ability to love him, but for the Doctor who had flown away, awash in empathetic grief and sorrow for the version of him that had two hearts. He wept bitter, frustrated tears of loss, pain, exhaustion, guilt, confusion, fear and loneliness until he flung himself backwards on the bed, arms spread outwards, spent and exhausted.

~*~O~*~

Clothes, he thought a while later, pulling himself together. Something else the Tardis had always handled for him. Now here he was in Pete’s World, nothing but the clothes he’d put on in the Tardis when he’d, well - generated - and Donna had pointed out he was naked. He supposed he’d have to get some more clothes, although he was buggered if he knew how he’d do it. He supposed he’d just have to go into London and buy some.

Money. Well, now, that was a sticky wicket, wasn’t it? He’d never had any money to speak of, but the Tardis had always seen to his needs. He’d never wanted for anything. Now, though…

He slipped off his jacket and tossed it to the foot of the four-poster bed, noting how nicely the blue contrasted against the walnut of the wood and the maroon of the duvet. Rose had, without a doubt, had a great deal of influence in the decoration of this room for him, and it was modeled much like the library of the Tardis. A large, canopied four poster bed sat against one wall, the fireplace on the opposite wall burning merrily in front of two lush leather chairs and some rich walnut tables that matched the wood of the bed and walls. Recessed bookshelves were installed in each wall, as many as could be considered tasteful, with heavy, leather-bound books. Their smell permeated the room along with the fire, adding a coziness that was incredibly welcome at the moment.

The Doctor settled into one of the leather chairs by the fire, scrubbing his face wearily. Even as a Time Lord, he’d have been exhausted after the events of the day. He’d no idea what his body and life would be like now that he was half-human, but he suspected that the tiredness was in large part due to his new humanity.

He slid further down into his chair, clasping his hands across his abdomen and lying his head back, closing his eyes wearily and trying to assess the situation he found himself in. What was he to do? He could use the sonic screwdriver to get money, sure, but he couldn’t just fly off after, and no matter what The Other One thought of him, he was no criminal. His face contorted with anger at the memory of The Other Doctor’s hurled accusation that he was dangerous.

Nevermind what The Other One thought of him. He could bugger off. He wasn’t what he’d been accused of, and it was of the utmost importance that he prove that. He discarded the idea of using the sonic to procure money. Rose would never believe that he’d been lied about if he did such a thing, and she’d never forgive him if he stole money and tried to start a life with her. No, that would never do.

His mind whirled with possibilities, ideas discussed with himself and dismissed, until a knock came at his door. His head jerked, suddenly disoriented, and he realized he’d fallen asleep.

“Right,” he said gruffly, standing to walk to the bedroom door and clearing a frog from his throat. The Doctor had the audacity to hope it was Rose but knew instinctively that it wasn’t - after years with her on the Tardis, he knew her, her mannerisms and habits inside and out. He’d not forgotten her at all. That wasn’t her knock.

A second knock came just before he opened it and Pete Tyler stood there, a brief moment of surprise dissolving into a smile. “Doctor,” he said warmly. “So it really is you. I half-thought that this someone taking the mick in a very elaborate fashion, that there was no way you could possibly be here. I’m delighted to be wrong. May I come in?”

The Doctor stood in the open doorway for a moment, nonplussed, before shaking his head to clear the last of the cobwebs and opening the door wider. “Pete, yes, how good to see you. Please come in.” Pete stepped inside and The Doctor closed the door behind him.

Pete stuck his hand out and the Doctor took it, Pete shaking it vigorously. “I have to tell you, Doctor, I never thought I’d be so glad to see someone I barely know.” The Doctor smiled wearily and Pete continued. “I hope I didn’t wake you?”

“No, I was just woolgathering by the fire.”

“May I join you? I won’t be long.”

“Certainly.” The Doctor went to the chairs by the fire, but Pete went first to the wet bar. The Doctor heard ice clinking into a glass.

“Can I get you a drink? Scotch, perhaps?”

“Er, no, but thank you.” The Doctor had no idea how this new body was going to metabolize alcohol, but he didn’t think it best to give his bloodstream a whirl with Pete Tyler less than twenty-four hours after he split off from a Time Lord’s body.

Pete poured his scotch and came to the fire, sitting in the chair opposite the Doctor and crossing his legs, sitting back in his chair comfortably and confidently. The Doctor felt the slightest twinge of apprehension, then reminded himself that this was Rose’s father and he’d never felt any real threat from this man. Surely there was no threat now.

“D’you like the room?”

“It’s quite comfy, thanks. I appreciate you letting me stay.”

“I wanted to chat with you a bit - if that’s alright.”

 _Perhaps he should be anxious after all_. “Alright,” the Doctor said carefully, “But I must tell you I’m quite knackered and would rather not discuss the day’s events with Torchwood this evening.”

“No,” Pete said, waving his hand dismissively. “This has little to do with Torchwood. This is of a personal nature.”

The Doctor eyed Pete, the threat rising and diminishing at the same time. “Go on, then.”

“Right. Yes. Well, Doctor, you see...” Pete shifted in his seat then leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, looking down into his glass as if to find the words - or perhaps his nerve - swirling somewhere amongst the brown liquid and ice. The Doctor just waited.

“Doctor,” he began, “You’ve saved my life. You’ve saved Jackie several times. My son wouldn’t exist without you. And you’ve saved my daughter more times than I even know - and I know of more times than I can name. You saved your universe multiple times, and this universe, too. Reality would not exist without you.” The Doctor made a noise and motion to interrupt but Pete held up a hand. “Let me finish, please, if you don’t mind.” The Doctor fell silent, sitting back in his seat, nodding.

“There is no way I could ever repay the debt I owe you for everything you’ve done for my family. I just never could. But this is a start; it’s all I know to do.

“First, my home is always open to you. Forever. I understand that you will be staying in this dimension with us, on this planet, indefinitely, and I must say that I’m pleased to hear it. I also understand that this means that you are without your...usual accommodations. I hope you will take it in the spirit it’s intended when I tell you that this house is your new home, for as long as you’d like to stay.” The Doctor gave no reaction right away, waiting for Pete to go on. “Rose and Jackie decorated this room according to what they thought you’d like when they first arrived, Rose especially having quite a lot of input. It would be the highest honor for you to stay with us, as long as you are comfortable doing so. You are not obligated to stay with us, of course, but you are welcome.”

The Doctor nodded and Pete went on. “Second, if you would be willing to consider it, I’d like to put you on the payroll at Torchwood with Rose and I.”

The Doctor stiffened with genuine shock. He’d expected the first bit given the prepared room (albeit minus the flowery declaration from Pete), but the job offer took him by surprise. He’d never considered himself the type of man to work a 9-5 job, punching a clock. Not by any stretch of any imagination.

“I don’t - I can’t - doing what, exactly?” he asked, utterly nonplussed.

“Understand, I’m not talking about tomorrow, or anytime incredibly soon. I understand that this has been an incredible shock and everyone needs time to adjust. But we’d like for you to serve in whatever capacity you want, Doctor. Consulting, most likely. UNIT has never met you but is quite aware of you and would likely want your input as well. This planet has long been aware of extraterrestrials, unlike the Earth from Rose and Jackie’s original dimension. That said, we don’t know much about any of them. According to Rose, most of the species we’ve encountered are mostly the same, thus your knowledge and expertise would be incredibly useful. I’ve a feeling you’ll be quite the sensation on this Earth just ad you were on the Earth you just left, if not more so. Nobody is asking you to come in to Torchwood and have a desk with a cubicle. There is, however, a handsome salary and benefits, no matter what you decide to do for us or how much. Basically,” Pete sat back in his seat again now, taking a sip of his scotch, “you set the terms, Doctor. We need you and your expertise.”

“So you believe I’m The Doctor, then?” the Doctor asked slowly.

“I’ve no reason to believe otherwise.”

“You’ve not talked to Jackie or Rose?”

Pete took another sip of his scotch then swirled the contents while he pondered his next few words. “It’s my understanding that when you...regenerated, you and Miss Noble -”

“Donna.” The name sprang from The Doctor’s lips reflexively, almost defensively.

“Yes, Donna,” Pete amended, “you - melded, in a way. She took on part of you, and you took on part of her. The vast majority of what she took from you is consciousness or intelligence, keeping her identity but assuming your intellect. The vast majority of what you took from her is her anatomical makeup, keeping your identity but assuming her humanity and mortality. Certain things bled over from each of you in _to_ each of you, of course: but you remain the Doctor and she remains Donna Noble, just incredibly enhanced.” Pete took another sip of his scotch. “But the long and short of it is that you are the Doctor in mortal form.”

The Doctor nodded tiredly, looking into the fire. It was all more intricate and complicated than that, but he had the long and short of it down, it seemed. There was no use splitting hairs.

“Of course, according to Jacks, the Doctor who left claimed you to be dangerous,” Pete said in an offhanded manner.

The Doctor nodded morosely.

“She also reckons,” Pete leaned back up onto his knees, “that if you hadn’t done what you did, you’d all likely be dead, and everyone in that universe would have eventually died. Not only your universe, but this universe. Every universe.” The Doctor didn’t respond, just kept looking into the fire. “And she’s not the only one who thinks that.” That caught the Doctor’s attention, and he looked up at Pete, finally.

“That was mostly Donna. Donna saved us all. All the timelines converged on Donna.” He felt a pang.

“You set the wheels in motion.”

The Doctor shrugged.

Quietly, “You’re not what he said you are, Doctor. I don’t know you well, but I know that.”

He didn’t answer right away, just looked at Pete for a long moment before he pinched the bridge of his nose then massaged his forehead. “I don’t know, Pete. I just don’t know. Everything’s the same as it was, but everything’s different. And it feels like an information overload, which is really saying something for me because I’m usually so clever. It’s worrisome to me that everything might _always_ be an information overload, and that maybe I’m not as brilliant in this new body as I always have been. Or maybe it’s just because I lost everything. I’m here in this world, on this Earth, and everything’s the same but everything’s different. Rose -” he hesitated, shaking his head. “Everything’s different. I’ve got nothing right now.”

“Which brings me to my last point,” Pete said, ignoring the mention of his daughter’s name, “and then I think I’ll swan off and let you sleep. You look like you’re utterly exhausted.” The Doctor gave a weak smile.

Pete reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a card, laying it on the table between them and sliding it across towards The Doctor with one finger. “This is for you. It has no limit. Tomorrow morning, our driver will take you into town. Please use that to buy yourself any personal items, wardrobe items, anything that’s not here that you would like to have.”

“Pete,” The Doctor said, picking up the card and handing it back, “I cannot take Torchwood’s money, particularly when I haven’t accepted a job there.”

“This isn’t Torchwood, this is me. And I would like if you would accept this gift, please. You kept my family safe when I wasn’t there to do it, and there’s no way I would have known how to do it even if I had been there. You kept them safe in another universe when I had nothing here. No Jackie, no Rose, no Tony. It’s the absolute least that I can do, to buy you some comfort items and supplement what you’re missing.”

“What I’m miss...Pete, the Tardis is gone. Everything I own is on my person or on the foot of that bed. I’ve no clothes or personal items to speak of at all. I’m missing quite a lot.”

“Have you looked around at all?” The Doctor shook his head, and Pete’s lips curled upwards, his eyes twinkling. “Take a look around, Doctor. Peek in the closets and drawers.” Doctor was still processing what Pete had said when he stood. The Doctor followed suit. Pete grasped the Doctor’s hand, shaking it. “Thank you, Doctor. I’ll be forever grateful to you.”

Pete turned to walk across the room, but the Doctor walked to the closet, opening the doors to find two pinstripe suits in blue and brown, a couple of jumpers and several ties - all in colors he favored. He ran his hand down the sleeve of one of the suits to reach the tag, knowing the size would be perfect before he got there, and spotted several pairs of the chucks he loved sitting there - again, in the colors he loved best and the perfect size.

“By the way,” Pete called from the door, turning around with his hand on the knob. The Doctor dropped the tag in his hand and popped his head out of the closet. the surprise of his find was apparently still evident on his face because Pete grinned. “Try not to worry about that daughter of mine.” The Doctor’s face fell, and Pete’s tone turned more bracing. “It was a trying day for all of us, and she’s got a lot to think about. It won’t take her any time at all, though. Jacks is talking her around.”

 _Good old Jacks_ , the Doctor thought.

The Doctor nodded and said, “Thank you, Pete. Truly.”

“It’s my honor, Doctor. Timothy will come ‘round for you about 9 tomorrow morning. No-” he held up a hand again, “arguments, please. Take this gift for my own sake, please.”

The Doctor nodded. “Thank you again, Pete.”

Pete nodded. “It’s my pleasure.” He stepped out, pulling the door behind him before he popped his head back in the door. “Oh, and I think you’ll find some pajamas in the top drawer of the bureau on your left.” The Doctor spun his head to the left, and Pete said, “Good night.”


	3. Clothes, Chips and Catching Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Rose looked up at him and studied his face, and he knew she was looking for him inside this face. She stared at him, looking for imperfections or differences that would brand him a liar, a counterfeit._
> 
> _He did the same, willing himself to believe that this was _Rose_ standing here before him, corporeal, and that if he could convince her that he was who he was, he had a shot at forever with her. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _I miss the sound of your voice_  
>  And I miss the rush of your skin  
> And I miss the still of the silence  
> As you breathe out and I breathe in
> 
>  _If I could walk on water_  
>  If I could tell you what's next  
> I'd make you believe  
> I'd make you forget  
> ~Matt Nathanson, Come On Get Higher

In the many centuries of his life, the Doctor had shopped innumerable times. The Tardis had provided him money when he needed it, but he’d not known to grab any before he left. It was a small miracle that he had the psychic paper and the sonic screwdriver - those were just things he constantly had in his pockets and never left home without. He’d grabbed one of each when he was dressing in his room without thinking. But money… Why would he have need of currency on a Dalek ship?

He had never liked shopping, and the thought of it now was not at all pleasant. However, he felt it would be incredibly rude to turn down the generosity extended to him by Pete - even if he had thought long and hard about it. Rose had provided him with clothes, but that had left him with a catch-22 as well. The clothes in the closet and bureau that were waiting for him were very like The Other Doctor, the one who had flown off without her. And as much as he was like that Doctor - he actually _was that Doctor_ , when you got down to brass tacks - and he wanted to prove he was the same man... he also wanted to prove there were key differences between the man who flew away and the man he was, who had held her hand and told her he’d loved her. It had always bothered Rose that he wouldn’t say the words she’d craved and he knew it. He’d seen her face when The Other Doctor had flown away, and as much as he needed her to know he was the same, he needed her to know he was different. This Doctor wouldn’t leave her. He was fully committed to her. He was here to stay: he was prepared to live his life, this one life with her. He wanted nothing more than to live his life with her.

But should he focus on the similarities or differences? She was clearly expecting him when she prepared this room - all of his favorite products were in the en suite, waiting for him. Hair products, shampoo, soap, toothpaste, all of it. Everything he liked. She’d found all of it that was available on Earth and had it waiting. It made him want to be what she knew.

But he didn’t want to try to deceive her, either. There were differences, albeit small, and it was only fair that she know about them. Indecision was his companion in the unfamiliar bed as he drifted to sleep, and when he woke a few hours later.

In the end, he decided to wear the clothes she’d bought for him in the style he’d worn the day before. One of her suits without the oxford or tie, just a jumper: a good compromise, he thought. A more casual version of what she knew. Given that it was rather warm, he felt comfortable leaving off the trench coat. Surely no one would fault him for that.

~*~O~*~

Timothy came ‘round for him at precisely nine and he rode into town feeling distinctly uncomfortable in the situation he found himself in. He allowed himself a moment of self-pity, missing the Tardis and wishing he didn’t have to do what he felt like he must now. He wished for Rose and wondered what would please her. What would catch her eye? She liked the pretty boys, his Rose did, and he was a bit more than passing fair, but he certainly didn’t know much about dressing for style. He’d done better in his last couple of incarnations than he’d ever done, but those were accidents, really. Happy accidents, of course, since Rose had quite liked what he’d been most comfortable in and she’d never really encouraged him to wear anything different than his usual attire. There were notable exceptions, of course: when they went to events that required black tie, or to the beaches on pleasure planets, or the time they’d visited that fairy-tale planet and he’d donned the period wear. She’d been utterly delighted that time, she had, and he grinned broadly at the memory. 

Occasionally she’d drop hints about how she enjoyed the loss of his jacket and his sleeves pushed up when he tinkered on the Tardis. But he wondered about what she’d like now that he was going to be a full-time citizen of Pete’s World. Would she expect him to dress like the other blokes - blokes she found attractive? The thought made his heart burn with jealousy, and he determined again to find the best. To look the best for Rose. 

He wondered what Donna would have suggested he wear. She was constantly talking about how this bloke or this celebrity was so handsome. Surely she would know what to do with him.

Blimey, he was going to miss her. For all of her dottiness, she was always well put together, and he was quite sure that she’d have had him looking quite right. She’d have made absolutely sure to turn him out just right for Rose. He’d have trusted her with the task much more than this shop assistant who seemed to fancy him, anyway.

Donna would know how to catch Rose's eye. She was terribly clever with all that pop culture stuff that had seemed beneath him and always seemed to know what was stylish and attractive. Maybe a bit of that had bled over into this new him; maybe he’d have a bit of instinct now. 

Even if he did, he wished Donna were with him. Oh, how she would laugh at him, taking the mick out of the skinny spaceman but delighting in the chance to dress him up. How wizard it would be to have a living mannequin to style in the way she’d always admired in the magazines she so liked! And he’d let her, too; heaven knows he had no clue what he was about to do. She’d take a little of the sting out of all of this. The losses of his universe, and the question of whether or not Rose would accept him would be a bit easier to bear if he had his friend to lean on. 

The unwelcome prick of tears came to the back of his eyes again and he willed them away. 

~*~O~*~

London looked almost identical to the London he was familiar with from the Earth he had left, and he was grateful. Too much of a shock to the system would have been - well, too much. He wondered how Jackie and Rose had adapted when they landed here, and Mickey too. Mickey the idiot. Good old Ricky. He’d spent so much time jealous of the boy, and how unfair he’d been. In the end, the young man had bowed out gracefully - twice - leaving he and Rose to be together. The Doctor wondered if he had known what would happen next, then shook his head, clearing his thoughts.

He imagined the switch from her original universe must have been much harder on Jackie than any of the others, considering she had never traveled through space and time. Seeing her husband’s face on billboards selling the result of the ‘daft schemes’ she’d always dismissed as rubbish must have come as a shock, as well as the fact that she was suddenly filthy rich after struggling to get by for so many years. The Doctor grinned ruefully. That part probably wasn’t such a nasty shock, he thought. But still, there were other things that would throw her - or anyone from the prime universe - off. The fact that there was a president instead of a prime minister. That there was no Tesco’s here, that another grocery chain had taken over. A different coffee chain was on every corner. Most people had abandoned the earbuds, but some still wore them, convinced the danger was gone. At least Mickey and Rose had been places and seen things, they were somewhat prepared for a different landscape. Poor Jackie got dropped into a new dimension with flying airships and earbuds and very little warning.

 _Poor Jackie_. Now there were words he never thought he’d ever think, back when he’d had big ears and a leather jacket. But he’d come to care for Rose’s mother, and although he’d never admit it, a part of him had respected her even in that old body. Anyone who loved Rose and sought to protect her that fiercely was to be loved and respected in return. If Jackie loved her that much, he couldn’t help but love her as well. 

~*~O~*~

The driver dropped him at a large shop he didn’t recognize and handed him a phone, telling him that he only needed to ring when he was ready to leave. The Doctor refrained from telling the driver that he was ready to leave now with great difficulty, smiling instead and nodding politely, thanking Timothy and saying that he would let him know.

The shop was relatively posh, certainly much more so than any place he’d have picked on his own. The shop assistant seemed quite excited by the prospect of wardrobing him, despite the fact he had made it clear he only wanted a few pieces, and he was reminded again of Donna and the enthusiasm she’d have displayed at the same opportunity. 

The Doctor reckoned he already had a couple of suits, he should probably have some other clothes that would be less - Doctorish. If he were going to be just an average bloke in addition to the Doctor, he should probably dress that part.

The shop assistant, who informed him with a warm, inviting smile that her name was Stephanie, eyed him up and down, measured him with precision and put her hands in places that caused him to jump, and the Doctor couldn’t help but wonder if all of the studying of his body was _really_ necessary. She winked at him a couple of times, solidifying his suspicion, but scurried off and came back with items of clothing he’d never have picked out for himself otherwise, encouraging him to try on things that he looked at dubiously. 

The Doctor muttered at them, quite sure that he would look utterly ridiculous, until he got them on. He found himself preening, grudgingly admitting that she hadn’t done a half-bad job and wondering again what Rose would like, trying to imagine what she would suggest for him. He didn’t quite have the nerve to ask Stephanie what the woman he loved might like, so he stared in the mirror at himself, feeling quite vain, and wondered. 

He was walking out of the dressing room in a pair of jeans and jumper under a plaid shirt, shrugging into a leather jacket and heading towards the mirror when he heard a voice, his favorite sound in this or any universe. “Well, it’s no trench coat, but I s’pose it’ll do.”

The Doctor whirled around to find Rose leaning against a column beside a mannequin, her arms crossed, assessing him casually with something akin to a smirk. He finished pulling the jacket onto his shoulders and asked her with more anxiety than he had intended, “How do I look? Am I all right, then?”

She smiled at him, “Yeah, you’re alright. A bit different, though.”

“A bit?”

“The jeans and jumper...reminds me of when you had a daft old face.”

“Oh.” The Doctor didn’t quite know how to respond to that. He looked down at the ground and noticed his feet, bare but for socks. “Still got my chucks, though.”

Rose smiled softly at him. “Didn’t say I didn’t like it. It’s just a bit different, is all.”

“Well,” he said, “I figured if this was to be my life now, I should make an effort to blend in. Don’t you think?” He straightened his clothes and presented himself, watching her carefully.

She came towards him, reaching up to straighten his collar then laying it flat. She spoke without looking at him. “You mean now that you’ll be John Smith?”

The Doctor closed his eyes a moment, remembering John Smith in 1913 and the course his life could have taken if he hadn’t opened the watch; if he had remained in that name. 

“I don’t have to be John Smith,” he said quietly. “I can start over with anything. I can be anything here, I’ve got a brand new lease on life.” He smiled at her.

Rose looked up at him and studied his face, and he knew she was looking for him inside this face. She stared at him, looking for imperfections or differences that would brand him a liar, a counterfeit. 

He did the same, willing himself to believe that this was _Rose_ standing here before him, corporeal, and that if he could convince her that he was who he was, he had a shot at forever with her. She nodded and took a step backwards.

The Doctor cursed himself. “I’ll assume a regular name of course, but maybe something other than John Smith.” She nodded again, turning around to walk away from him, picking up a jumper from a display. “Would you like to pick it? My new name?” he asked her.

She turned back to him and smiled curiously. “I’ve no idea what to call you.”

Damn, he thought. Mucked that one up.

“You seem to be on good terms with shop dummies now, eh?” he tried for a little bit of levity.

“Shouldn’t I be? I’m with the Doctor, after all, yeah?”

The question hit him like a blow to the gut despite the cheeky smile she gave him, and he had to take a second to respond. “I’m the Doctor, Rose,” he said quietly. “I really am. I’m the same man who told you to run. I’m the same man who ran with you, all over the universe.”

She looked down at the shirt in her hand wistfully, a ghost of a smile playing at the corners of her lips. “I think I know that. I just have a lot to sort through. You, him, who each of you are, all that.”

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

Rose nodded without looking up, she just fingered the material of the jumper for a long time. The Doctor stood silent, watching her, waiting for a question that didn’t come.

Stephanie walked up, tossing a look Rose’s way and startling them both. “Can I interest you in anything else, sir?”

“Yeah, just a tick,” Rose answered. She turned to The Doctor. “Which shoes did you wear?”

“Er, the dark red ones.”

“Here you go then,” she said, tossing him the jumper in her hand. “Switch that out with the jumper you have on so it matches.” She turned to the shop assistant. “We’ll take the lot, and he’ll be wearing that out.”

“Yes, ma’am.” She scurried off at the note of authority in Rose’s voice, but not before the Doctor noted the disappointed fall of her face and bit back a smirk. He wondered if Rose had seen Stephanie’s looks in his direction. He dared to hope she had and it had brought on a smidge of jealousy in her. He knew all too well she was capable of it. 

Shaking his head again to clear it of thoughts, he brought his hand back to his neck and rubbed it. “Rose…”

“You said it yourself,” she interrupted him, “if you’re going to start a new life here, you need to blend in a bit. Dad told me he’d sent you out this morning, so if you came home empty handed he’ll be wondering why. I just saved you the agony of making a decision. I know how you abhor making decisions that don’t have to do with the supernatural.”

The Doctor chuckled, she had him there. “Ta.”

She smiled at him, a small smile. He felt his heart would burst with joy. “Go on then, change into that jumper. I’m hungry, you’re taking me out for chips.” Rose was smiling at him, and he’d never felt so much hope in his life.

“Like our first date?”

“But you’re paying this time.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Don’t forget to bring that leather jacket out to the checkout counter!”

~*~O~*~

“Have you ever had sweet potatoes, Rose?” the Doctor asked as he reached for another chip in the basket between them.

“Sweet potatoes?” Her brow was knitted with the look she always got when he introduced something that sounded vaguely familiar or interesting - but held the potential to be disgusting as well. “Can’t say that I have.”

“They mainly grow in the Americas, although they’re very similar to yams, which grow in Africa and New Zealand and the like. Near the equator. Sweet potatoes like the tropics, they do.” He popped a chip into his mouth and chewed.

“Are they actually sweet? And potatoes?” she asked, spearing another chip.

He nodded and swallowed. “They’re quite sweet, actually, and orange. Orange potatoes! And yes, actually, they’re much like a potato - they grow under the earth like a potato. They’re a root vegetable. A tuber.”

“Like a carrot!” she exclaimed with her mouth full, pointing her fork at him.

He beamed, suspending his fork in midair, answering before he ate. “Yes, except it’s a sweet potato.”

She grinned and swallowed her chip, picking through the basket to find another. “They sound like something alien. So why do you mention sweet potatoes now?”

“Well, because in some parts of America, they slice them up and make chips out of them. They’re called ‘sweet potato fries’, and incredibly delicious.”

Rose pulled a face. “Sweet chips? That sounds disgusting. I can’t imagine putting vinegar on them.”

“You don’t put vinegar on them, the Americans put a light layer of salt on them, and they’re quite good. And please, Rose, do you mean to tell me that you would try ploratau sauce, knowing full well what went into it, but you won’t try a sweet potato?” He tried to sound admonishing, but the effect was ruined by the grin he gave her.

Rose gave him a cheeky smile. “You’ve got me there.” She shrugged noncommittally. “Perhaps I’ll try some of these orange chips someday. If I’m feeling brave.”

“I’ll take you there!” he said brightly, before his face fell. “That is, after…” The Doctor shook his head. “It’ll be a few years before the Tardis is ready to go. Perhaps this Great Britain imports them.” He stabbed at the chips with his fork for a moment while Rose watched him. He said nothing, didn’t eat a chip. He just stared at the chips and picked through them.

“Or, you know, we could travel the standard Earth ways. Zeppelin or boat, something along those lines.”

The Doctor nodded. “Could do.”

She didn’t answer, just watched him for a moment. “It’s not their fault, you know.”

The Doctor looked up at her quizzically.

“The chips. It’s not their fault.”

He sighed and put his fork down, rubbed his face then pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, I suppose it’s not.”

“What’s bothering you the most, Doctor?”

His eyes flicked towards her, she was watching him closely. “Well, right at this exact moment I’m feeling the slightest glimmer of hope because you’ve called me ‘Doctor’.”

“Should I call you anything else?”

“No. I’m the Doctor, no matter what I’m wearing, how many hearts I have, or what kind of transportation I have.”

“Alright then. What else?”

He rubbed his eyes, again, hard, then ran his fingers through his hair. “Well, speaking of transportation, there’s the Tardis. It’s going to take a minimum of three years to grow a new one, but more likely five. I can increase the speed of her growth fifty-nine times, but it takes thousands of years to grow a Tardis. The fastest I can get it done is three to five years, and that’s if I do everything exactly right in perfect conditions. That’s nearly half a decade that we’re stuck here. I can’t take you anywhere out there,” he waved vaguely above him, “until that’s up.”

Rose gave him a little smile. “I survived years and years stuck on Earth without leaving the atmosphere, I promise you I can survive another three years on this world. Don’t worry about me.”

The Doctor was lost in his own mind, however. “I know, but I don’t know what I’ll do without the Tardis.”

“Oi,” she said, reaching across the table to clasp his hand, “I’m not going to let you go mad with boredom. There’s plenty to do here, lots to explore on Earth. Alright?” He nodded without looking up, but reveled in the warmth of her hand, and the fact that she was talking about a future with him. In any capacity. “What else is bothering you, Doctor?”

“You and me.”

“That will work itself out in time. I can’t know how much time, just let me sort it out in my mind.” She squeezed his hand. “What about Donna?”

He looked up at her sharply. “What about her?”

“You were close with her, yeah?”

“Not like you think.”

“She was your companion.”

“Yes, but not like you.”

“Doctor, I don’t think anything beyond the two of you being dear friends. I saw the two of you together, I saw how you worked together. I know that you grew out of her, so I’m certain there’s a bond there. But I know that she’s not anything more than a dear friend. I saw her timelines, remember?”

He nodded miserably and fought the tears that prickled his eyes whenever he thought of her too long. She wouldn’t remember him by now. He’d be gone from her memory, forever. “Donna was very dear to me. She was the closest friend I’ve had in many, many years, excepting you.” Rose nodded. “Just like you, though, she always seemed to know what I needed and when I needed it. Donna wasn’t as clever as you, but she understood me like you.” Rose squeezed his hand, but he didn’t look up. “For a long time, I felt very alone. Even when I had Martha, it wasn’t nearly the same. Donna didn’t heal me - I don’t think anything but you ever could have healed me - but she was a bit of a respite from my misery. She made me laugh. She seemed to know what made me tick. And it was you...you were a big part of what made me tick.” Rose squeezed his hand again, and he looked up at her this time. Her eyes were kind. “She knew that and never tried to interfere. She never wanted to be anything but mates. She never fancied me and I never fancied her. She was just…” The Doctor sighed heavily. “She was just my best mate, and I miss her terribly.”

Rose squeezed his hand one more time, running her thumb along the back of his hand then let it go. She sat quietly for a while and the Doctor dug through his chips. He hadn’t meant to spill all if that. He didn’t want Rose to think she was anything but the most important woman in his life, because she _was._ She was, by a long shot, but...bloody hell, he couldn’t stop making a muck of things, could he? Maybe this was Donna’s big mouth transferred over to him. Or maybe this was just himself, he never was very smooth…

“What about Martha?” Rose blurted suddenly, breaking into his thoughts.

“What about her?” The Doctor asked warily. Rose’s tone was suspicious and he had a hunch he knew where she was going.

“She just, you know, seemed really fond of you.”

The Doctor noticed that ‘you’, but didn’t make note of it out loud. “Martha was smart and resourceful. She was a good companion - even saved the world - but she wa-” he paused, weighing his words carefully. “She fancied me.” he finally said, simply deciding to go for the bald truth. “She fancied me and I could never be what she wanted, ever. I needed a friend, but she needed more.” He shrugged. “So she left, and Donna and I kept running into each other.”

He steeped in his memories for a minute, thinking about the Year That Never Was and the debt that he and the world owed to Martha, feeling guilty for being so dismissive. Her devotion to him had saved the Earth, but he couldn’t love her. He wasn’t ready to talk about that. Maybe one day he could, but not now. Rose seemed content to watch him and he tried hard to school his face into something that didn’t reflect his conflict. 

There were too many silences involved in this conversation, and thankfully Rose, ever the perceptive, picked up on it and changed the subject.

“So you and Donna ran into the Ood again, yeah?”

The Doctor brightened. “We did! And do you remember how they held their communicators in their hands, the balls of lights that connected to their mouths - and they had the intelligence of cows? Well, they were modified to be that way, as it turns out! The Ood are actually born with their hindbrains in their hands…”

~*~O~*~

Rose listened as he told his story, his voice rising and falling depending on the drama of the moment, her smile growing broader the more animated he became. When they cleaned up their trash, it was like the two of them had been transported back in time and were having a regular date. Then he stood up, she noticed what he was wearing again, and it struck her. All of the memories of the previous day came flooding back. The look on the Doctor who had left’s face. The sound of the Tardis when it flew away. The fact that this man had told her he’d loved her. The feel of his lips on hers, and how their hands fit the same as they always had. The fact that the spark between them was exactly the same as it always been. The feeling of one heart beneath her hand. The confusion of seeing two of the man she loved more than her next breath. 

The sound of the man she loved telling her that the man before her was dangerous and then leaving. 

The doubt.

The fear. 

The love.

The grief.

The confusion.

But this man, this Doctor, he was still the same. The occasional word of unexpected slang and the clothes….those were the only differences she could detect without her hand on his heart. He was the same Doctor. She felt no danger from him, no threat. The only new emotion from him was sadness, and she would be a fool not to expect that. 

When they stepped onto the sidewalk, deciding to take a right with no particular destination in mind, she slipped her hand into his and smiled, without looking up to see the surprised delight on his face. She knew it was there because she felt it herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mention Donna a lot at the beginning of these chapters because it's my belief that the loss of her was probably very traumatic to the Doctor, for a couple of reasons. She was a part of him due to the bond they shared in the metacrisis, but she'd also been the best friend we'd seen him have in a long, long time. The friendship between the Doctor and Donna was close and kind and I think went a long way to making the Doctor okay, making him better. Plus, the loss of her and Rose completely changed him in the end of the fourth series, so I harp on it a bit. Sorry for that! :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!


	4. Jackie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“You love her, don’t you, Doctor?” Jackie knew the answer, and the Doctor knew she knew. "You have since the big ears."_
> 
>  
> 
> _The Doctor huffed out a short laugh, and nodded into his mug. “Yeah.”_
> 
> _“But you never told her ‘til Wednesday, at the bay.” He shook his head in answer. “Why not?” she asked._
> 
> _He stumbled for a minute. “I tried that one time. The first time we were at the bay, you know, but I was too slow.”_
> 
> _“But why didn’t you tell her before _then?”__
> 
> _He swirled the contents of his mug, watching the liquid make a little whirlpool. “Several reasons, I suppose. I was afraid of losing her, mainly. I was afraid it would run her away if she knew how much I cared about her. I know, I know. It was stupid. I was afraid she didn’t - couldn’t - ever feel the same way I did.”_
> 
> _“You’re a bloody damn fool.”_
> 
>  
> 
> Jackie lends her wisdom to the young couple.

“Mum, he acts, looks, and sounds just like the other Doctor.”

Rose lay across the bed in her parent’s opulent bedroom, her head propped up on one elbow, watching Jackie brushing out her hair after a shower. Tony was down for a nap and Jackie had dashed into her ensuite to take advantage of the time. Rose rarely got her mother on her own anymore since Tony had come along, so she’d decided to invade primping hour and get her mum’s input on the Doctor situation. Jackie had been around the new Doctor much more than she had, given that the new Doctor had been staying with her Mum and Dad in the big house for the last few days since their arrival.

Jackie didn’t look at Rose when she answered. “He is the same Doctor, Rose.”

“But he’s not, Mum. He’s different, too.”

“How.” It wasn’t a question, it was a demand for information.

“Well,” Rose started, sitting up, and she noted how much she sounded like the Doctor when she said it, “every now and then he pops out with some word or gesture that I’ve never heard my Doctor say or do. It’s a little off-putting.”

“Didn’t they say that was a two-way meta-whatever?”

“Yeah…”

“Didn’t he get some human stuff when that happened? Like the one life thing?”

“Well, yeah…”

“And that other girl, Diana - “

“Donna.”

“That’s the one. She got Doctor’s brain, right?”

“Yes, in a way. She got a Time Lord’s intellect.”

“So it only follows he’d get a little bit of her, too, right?” Rose pondered on this for a minute. It made sense, and she had known it cognitively, but having Jackie point it out made it even more obvious. It sunk in a bit more. 

“Plus he spent time with her, you said she was his best mate. People always pick up little mannerisms and whatnot from people they spend a lot of time with.”

Now _that_ she hadn’t thought of. But again, it made perfect sense.

“But you heard the Doctor, Mum. The Doctor, The Other Doctor, the one who left, said he was dangerous because he was born in blood and battle, and that he’d committed genocide -”

“Good.”

Rose froze in shock. Was this her mother? “Good?”

“Yeah. Good.”

“Why did you say that?”

Jackie lay her hairbrush down and spun around on the vanity seat to face her daughter. “You and I were both there, Rose. The Other Doctor, the original Doctor, the first Doctor, whatever you call him, he was going to leave the rest of the Daleks alone. We were going to escape alive, but there was going to be thousands ‘n thousands of bloody Daleks flying around over top the Earth ‘n all around the universe. Daleks don’t think about anything but exterminatin’. You know that, Rose.

“But _this_ Doctor… _your_ Doctor, Rose, he swept in and saved the day. Not just earth, he saved the _entire bleedin’ universe._ ”

Rose sighed. _Not just that universe, all of reality._ She rolled onto her back, tossing her arm across her eyes, heaving out another huge sigh.

“I think if you were askin’ me, Rose Tyler,” her mother began in a softer tone, “something broke inside the other Doctor when you fell through to this world. I think his heart was too broken for it to mend properly. I’m not sorry you fell into this world, Rose, I’ll never be sorry. But I’m terribly sorry for what it did to him, bless. He didn’t want you to be with a broken man, so he sent this one. Besides,” she continued, turning back to the mirror. “He could finally give you what you always wanted, what he always wanted. He wanted to live his life with you, to grow old with you. Now he could do that. He just had to split himself to do it.”

“It’s all just so mixed up, Mum,” she said, and tears choked her voice.

“Oh now, hey hey hey,” Jackie said, “It’s alright.” She came to the bed and Rose sat up, letting herself be curled into her mother’s arms. “It’s alright, love. Let it out.”

“I love him, Mum. I’ve loved him since I was nineteen. I was a kid, and I knew I wanted to be with him forever n’ ever. I love him so much. But what if this new Doctor doesn’t love me like the other one did?”

“Oi, now, that’s not possible,” Jackie soothed her, stroking her hair. “He’s already told you he wants to spend the rest of his days with you, eh?”

“Its just...I traveled across the universe for him. Two universes. Now I have what I always wanted, and I’m being so thick!” she sobbed.

“Now, now,” Jackie soothed. “You’re not being thick. You’re being cautious, and that’s good. Take your time. The Doctor’s not going to take a shine to anyone else, I promise you that.” Rose sniffled. “Just don’t make the poor man suffer for long, okay, Rose? Don’t be cruel to him.”

“I won’t, Mum.”

“You’re my daughter and you come first, but I’m rather fond of him, too.”

~*~O~*~

Jackie, bless her, was working double time to keep him occupied, it seemed. She’d been to his room a dozen times in the 80 hours he’d been there to invite him to various things: dinner, movie nights, playtime with Tony, luncheon, or just to ask him to keep her company. He acquiesced as much as he felt comfortable, but he’d never spent much time with Jackie outside of Rose’s company, and he’d never truly gotten over that slap he’d been dealt a few years ago. Deserved or not and despite their mutual like and respect, he remained a bit wary of Jackie Tyler - especially considering he was causing her daughter a fair amount of angst at the moment.

But Jackie seemed to be going out of the way to make him feel at home and comfortable, and he was grateful. The problem was that everything she was doing to make him feel more at home just made him feel more out of his element. He’d have felt much more himself in front of the fireplace in the room Rose had prepared for him (and he was more and more sure that Rose had prepared the room for him almost alone, it was just so very much like his library) than sitting in Jackie’s kitchen listening to her chatter away about this and that. He chimed in with a ‘yes’, ‘just so’ or ‘quite right’ when he felt it appropriate, but for the most part he just sat quietly and let her babble. Considering that she was Rose’s mother, she’d given him unconditional houseroom and seemed to believe that he was the Doctor without reservation, it was the absolute minimum he could do.

“Rose is coming ‘round for tea this afternoon, then stayin’ for dinner tonight, did you know?”

The Doctor perked up visibly and Jackie smirked to herself as she poured their mugs of tea.

“She is?”

“Yes, she hasn’t been by in ages, it seems. ‘Course, it’s only been since last night, but I do miss her when she’s gone.”

The Doctor nodded silently, taking his mug from Jackie with murmured gratitude. He certainly understood that sentiment.

“You love her, don’t you, Doctor?” Jackie was asking a question she knew the answer to, and the Doctor knew she knew. She was matter-of-fact in her question, as if asking were perfunctory.

The Doctor nodded. “I do.”

“You have since you had the big ears, haven’t you?”

The Doctor huffed out a short laugh, and nodded into his mug. “Yeah.”

“But you never told her ‘til Wednesday, at the bay.” He shook his head in answer. “Why not?” she asked.

That was a genuine question, and he stumbled for a minute before he could get his thoughts together enough to try to explain to Rose’s mother. “I tried that one time, the first time we were at the bay, but I was too slow.”

“Why didn’t you tell her before then?”

He swirled the contents of his mug, watching the liquid make a little whirlpool. “Several reasons, I suppose. I was afraid of losing her, mainly. I was afraid it would run her away if she knew how much I cared about her, so I tried to run her away at first.”Jackie looked at him as if he were daft, and he dipped his head. “I know, I know. It was stupid. It doesn’t make any sense a’tall. I was thinking that if I made her run away, it would hurt less than if I told her how I felt and she left because of that. Or if she just got bored of me or something. Later, I figured out that I couldn’t ever stand it if she left me, but I was still afraid she’d leave me if she found out how much I cared about her, so I was afraid to tell her.” He took a deep breath. “Most of all, though, I was afraid she wouldn’t - couldn’t - ever feel the same way I did.”

“You’re a bloody damn fool.”

“I know.”

“She’s been bonkers for you since she came back with you after that year you ran away with her.” Jackie’s expression turned stern for a second and the Doctor winced. “I wish you could have seen her when you were sleeping that time after you changed. She was distraught, bless her. She didn’t know what had happened, and thought you’d left her.”

“I hadn’t. D’you remember when I woke up and the Christmas tree was attacking?”

“Yeah.”

“I woke up because I heard Rose whisper in my ear, ‘I need you.’ She told me later that you had all been trying to wake me. I could barely hear her, but when I knew she needed me, I couldn’t sleep anymore. I never left her, there was no way I would have left her in danger, although I learned later just how upset she was that she thought I had. And that’s part of how this came to be.”

Jackie looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“I knew how upset she was when I transitioned. She didn’t want me to change from that big-eared git. She even told me to change back. Took a long time to get over, that. I knew her confidence in me was shaken. So when I was hit by the Dalek, instead of transitioning into something she didn’t know and may not want anything to do with, I only healed and shot the rest of the regeneration energy into my hand. It’s what started us on this path, it’s what created me.”

“Did you know what would happen?” Jackie eased into a chair at the table with a mug of tea. 

“It didn’t occur to me what could happen until later. It was a snap decision at the time, because I was afraid of losing her. Afraid of scaring her away. Well, The Other Doctor was. You know what I mean, right?”

Jackie nodded. “I follow. M’not as dim as you think.”

“When I was created, he and I split. We have all of the same memories and knowledge, but from the moment I was created, our consciousnesses are our own. We have separate memories and thoughts from the moment I was regenerated, although they were the same until I - generated. So I don’t know what he was thinking precisely when he left us on that beach, but I have a good, solid guess.”

“Go on, then.”

The Doctor sighed. Jackie may be brighter than he gave her credit for, but she was still not on a level that he wouldn’t have to dumb this down a bit.

“He couldn’t live with Rose, not in that form. She would grow old without him. Besides that, at some point he was going to regenerate, and when he regenerated there was no guarantee what type of man he would become - or if he would even become a man. He could become any species. And even if he became a man, he may become an old man, an unpleasant man, a cruel man - any type of man really. A man who would most likely love her, but even that wasn’t guaranteed. I loved her because I wanted to love her. I was born to love her, when you get down to it. The act that killed my last body, the one you first met, was an act of love, and that created me. Well, him. There was every possibility that the new Doctor after me could be someone or something that wouldn’t love her and who she couldn’t love. The only guarantee was that he would maintain the same thoughts and memories...the body, emotions and personality would be entirely different. The two emotions and personalities she knew me to have in the two bodies were both different, but they both loved her. The next might not.” He hesitated for a moment, thinking of River Song and the timeline for The Other Doctor that had almost certainly influenced his decision. He decided to keep that to himself.

“So sending me was the best choice, even though I’m absolutely certain it broke him to do it.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, yes. He’s alone now.”

“But...I thought he and Donna were going to travel together? Forever, she said, best friends?”

“Yes, and Donna was my best friend. But humans aren’t meant to be given a Time Lord’s brain. It’s different for me because I’m a Time Lord given a human body - a downgrade, if you will. But she got a massive upgrade that her body just wasn’t ready for. I’m almost certain that he had to wipe her memory and leave her with her family. He lost Rose and his best friend in the same day.”

Jackie covered her mouth and tears gathered in her eyes. “Oh, bless him. He’s such a good man, I can’t stand…”

“He’ll be alright. He’s always alright,” the Doctor said.

“I just hate to think -”

“Hello!”

Rose called from the hall a couple of rooms away and Jackie shot to her feet, wiping her eyes and turning to the kettle to refresh her tea. The Doctor leaned back in his chair, attempting to clear his mind for just a moment before Rose entered the room.

“Hi, Mum. Hi, Doctor.” She beamed at him and he felt his shoulders become amazingly light.

Jackie greeted Rose and turned her cheek up for a kiss, Rose walked over to the table where the Doctor sat and took a seat. “How was work, sweetheart?” Jackie asked.

“Fine, ta,” Rose answered, popping a grape from Tony’s discarded snack tray in her mouth. “The Doctor is causing quite the sensation.”

“Oh I am?” He smiled cheekily at her and she returned it. His heart tripped up on itself.

“Quite the sensation,” she repeated, smirking a little, accepting the tea her mother handed her. “There is apparently a pool going amongst the ladies in applied sciences to see who can get your mobile number first.” Rose eyed him, the corner of her lip turned up.

The Doctor looked confused. “Why would they want my mobile number? I don’t even have a mobile.”

Rose shrugged. “I believe they want to ask you on a date.”

The Doctor sputtered. “I don’t...I haven’t...me?”

She feigned innocence. “‘Course, I may have messed that up for you. I told them you couldn’t possibly go out with them later, at least not tonight.”

He raised one eyebrow and the corresponding corner of his mouth. “Oh yeah? Why is that? Go on, then.”

“Because you’ll be taking me out, of course.”

“Well, then,” he asked, standing eagerly, “shouldn’t we be going?”

“Oi! Not yet you’re not!” Jackie cried, indignant. “I have a roast in. You two can find something to do until dinner, then go after.”

Rose gave her mother a withering look, but the Doctor smiled brightly.


	5. Out of Sorts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I want you to believe - need you to _know_ \- that I’m The Doctor, but I can completely understand why this situation is utterly confusing. It’s somewhat confusing for me, and I’m the source of the confusion. But whether or not you can accept that I’m The Doctor you fell in love with, I want you to know that I am in love with you. Truly and madly in love with you, and I have been since I had big ears and a black leather jacket. I realized I was in love with you when you asked me to dance during the Blitz, although when I got honest with myself, I’d been in love with you for a while before that."_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> The Doctor and Rose hit a bump in the road on the way to sorting out their new relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is angsty as all get-out. Angst ahoy.  
> The next chapter is better, I swear. The chapter after that is much, much better. With any luck, I'll have them up within 24 hours.  
> If you've ever read much of my work, you'll notice that I've used this song before, but it seemed to fit now. I tend to recycle songs when they fit - I have several favorites that'll likely make appearances again.
> 
> Just to repeat:  
> I own nothing. I'm just using other people's characters and making it up as I go along.  
> Comments and kudos are the life's blood of any writer, and honestly, they really and truly make my day. I can't even tell you.  
> come say hi! You can visit to my main[ tumblr blog](caedmonfaith.tumblr.com), my mostly shipping/fanfic [tumblr sideblog](clintasha-n-olicity.tumblr.com), or my [Facebook page.](https://www.facebook.com/bbamazeballs)

_You know it only breaks my heart_  
To see you standing in the dark alone  
Waiting there for me to come back  
I'm too afraid to show  
If it's coming over you  
Like it's coming over me  
I'm crashing like a tidal wave  
That drags me out to the sea  
And I wanna be with you  
And you wanna be with me  
I'm crashing like a tidal wave  
And I don't wanna be  
Stranded, stranded, stranded, stranded  
I can only take so much  
These tears are turning me to rust  
I know you're waiting there for me to come back  
I'm to afraid to show  
I miss you, i need you  
Without you, i'm stranded  
I love you so come back  
I'm not afraid to show  
~ Plumb, Stranded

They walked together later, after dinner, hand in hand, each of them licking an ice cream cone. The Doctor had dressed himself carefully, wanting to impress Rose and unsure exactly how to do it. Eventually he decided on a t-shirt with denims and one of his suit jackets - plain, no pinstripes. The ‘normal bloke’ look, he supposed. If this didn’t go well, he could always revert to the suit, or even the jumper and leather jacket. He could certainly go full Doctor and would do so happily, but he felt no need to maintain 'brand recognition' here. Nobody else wore the same thing every day, unless it was a uniform. Ordinary people wore different clothes every day. And he was an ordinary bloke now. He thought.

He had no idea what to do, but he’d figure it out. A little direction from Rose wouldn’t hurt, but if need be, he’d get it together on his own. At any rate, she'd looked him up and down appreciatively when she'd seen him in the foyer of her parents' house. 

Dinner with the Tylers had been lovely, Rose coming in from her home on the Tyler’s property. She’d been too busy with her work on the cannon and Torchwood to find herself a proper apartment, so Peter had set her up on the property in the guest home. She’d been happy there, and Jackie had been delighted to have her so close to home after so many years on the run with the Doctor. Her parents’ home was always open to Rose, and there was always a place set for her at dinner and tea time. She had taken advantage of her parents’ hospitality in their home more in the last three days than she had in the last three weeks, a fact which had escaped neither of their attentions. 

Rose brought them to a fountain and released the Doctor’s hand, perched herself on the edge, and patted the concrete beside her, offering a seat to The Doctor.

“Ice cream isn’t much different here, I see,” the Doctor remarked casually as he sat himself beside her.

“Most things aren’t,” Rose answered between licks. Licks that he noticed with marked interest. “I’ve been surprised at all of the similarities, actually, even though we'd been here before. Of course, I’ve missed most of the last few years on the old Earth, but all of the music and movies seem to be the same; the food, all of it. There are some differences, but the similarities are more than the differences.”

A man came running up and knelt in front of Rose and the Doctor, snapping several pictures before running back into the crowd. Rose sighed heavily, the Doctor looked confused. 

“Yes, that’s another thing to get used to here,” Rose said.

“People attack you randomly for photographs?”

“'Attack' is a bit of a strong word, 'accost' may be better. But, yeah, a bit.” At the Doctor’s confused and angry face, she hurried on. "Nobody has hurt me for a photo, Doctor. Don't fret. But you see, m’Dad’s famous here, and incredibly wealthy. And then he turned up with a long-lost daughter, his heiress, and a wife whom everyone had presumed dead in the cyberman attack, so we’ve kind of been the subject of media attention.”

“So…”, the Doctor began slowly, “you’re a target for the paparazzi?”

“Not too badly lately, not like it was in the beginning. But there may be people following us around from time to time, yeah.” She looked at her feet, then back up at him. “Is that alright?”

“Is what alright?” he asked, catching a drip from his cone.

“People may follow us sometimes and take our picture?”

He smiled. “Rose Tyler, I’ll go starkers, waving and smiling if it means I get to be with you.”

She laughed. “Please don’t, not starkers.”

He grinned and went back to his ice cream cone. “‘Sides,” he continued nonchalantly. “We’ve been chased by Slitheen and Cybermen and Daleks and all manner of other creature. A few cameramen won’t be a bother.”

“You may be surprised,” she said darkly. “But it’ll be alright, I’m sure.”

“Oh, I’m fairly clever. It takes a lot to surprise me, but you’re usually the one to do it. Other humans aren’t, even humans with cameras - our friend from just now notwithstanding.”

“You’re really him?”

The question took the Doctor by surprise, and the irony of that wasn’t lost on him. “Well now, did you decide to surprise me just to prove me wrong?”

“But you are, aren't you? You’re actually, truly the Doctor? _My Doctor_.”

The delight he thought he’d feel at the words ‘my Doctor’ didn’t come. Instead, he felt somehow deflated, that smile that had been sitting so proudly on his face just a moment before slipping, dimming in wattage.

He should have been happy beyond words, he should have been prepared to do every dance of celebration he’d ever seen in his nine centuries. He knew it, and thought he would have been. Instead, he was suddenly reminded that while they’d been talking, bantering like old times and eating ice cream, she'd been debating about his identity. He’d been able to forget everything but the two of them, the feeling of exhilaration he'd felt and the desperate need to get to her when he'd seen her at the end of that deserted street after years of being lost to one another, of all the adventures they’d had. He'd been thinking of the gradual closeness they'd developed and the long nights they’d had wrapped in each others' arms...first in the armchair in front of the fire as friends with an unspoken love for each other, then later as lovers in whichever bedroom was closest who shared the gentlest of touches only the people in the deepest of love could appreciate. 

Rose hadn't been thinking of those things, it seemed. She'd been focused on whether or not he was a stranger, beside her, masquerading as the man she'd loved and spent years of her life loving and seeking. He’d been lost in these happy thoughts and wondering if they could make more memories like that, she’d been trying to decide who he really was.

He was trying to convince himself that sitting with Rose Tyler right here, right now after being separated for so long was real.

She was trying to convince herself that he, himself was real.

“Yes,” he said, his smile slow and sad, and he felt his eyes not quite reflecting the warmth he was trying to portray. He wasn't that good of an actor, it seemed. “It’s really me.

“I’m sorry. I can see how much it upsets you that I haven't just accepted you out of hand. And I know that you're the Doctor, it's not that I don't believe you. It’s just… You seem...different.”

The Doctor shrugged. “Hard couple of days. Years, really.”

“I’ve been selfish,” Rose said, and his head jerked up. “I’ve been so wrapped up in what I was thinking, so self-involved in my own thoughts and what happened to _me_ that I never even stopped to think what all this meant for _you_.”

“Well,” he began, trying for his usual light tone, “if you couldn’t think of me as the Doctor, that makes sense. The Doctor matters to you. Some random bloke you got stuck with doesn’t so much.” He tossed his ice cream cone into the nearby trash can, feeling when it was done that the timing was somehow over-dramatic and metaphorical and wishing he’d waited a few minutes. 

“You’re not some random bloke,” she argued quietly.

“No, but you are stuck with me.” He waggled his eyebrows in the way he knew she always liked, trying for a smile.

“S’not so bad.” Rose went back to her ice cream cone, popping the last bit in her mouth. “Just going to have to get you accustomed to the slow path.”

“I’m sorry, Rose.”

She looked up at him, surprised, ice cream cone forgotten. “What for?”

“I should have told you I loved you long ago.” All levity was gone from his voice, his tone was serious, pleading somehow. “God knows I have loved you for longer than I care to admit. But I was a fool and a coward, and I’m sorry.”

“Why did you? Wait, that is. To tell me.”

“I didn’t think we could ever be together. I didn’t think you’d have me. I thought of you leaving me and couldn’t bear the thought. Then I became afraid in general, just of losing you. To injury, to your mother, to Mickey, to Jack, to boredom, to anything. I told you, so many times, in my mind. I hoped so much that you could hear me somehow, that you’d have enough telepathy to be able to hear what I was sending to you. I told you in Gallifreyan. I wanted you to know. But I couldn’t make myself actually say the words in a way that you could understand.”

“I almost told you, you know,” she said. “On Krop Tor when you got in that elevator to go into that pit. But I came too close to crying and the words wouldn’t come. Then when we got into the Tardis that night...well...it just went unspoken. I figured you didn’t want to hear it”

The Doctor reached, gently pulling her hand from its resting place on her thigh into his two hands and twining her fingers with his, using his other hand to stroke the back of her palm. “I wanted nothing more than you and your love, Rose Tyler. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I’m sorry I was such a coward.”

“Is that still true?”

“That I’m a coward?”

She returned his soft smile. “That you only want me.”

He contemplated their joined hands for a moment, tracing the hills and valleys of her knuckles with his index and middle fingers. “I was a broken shell of a man when you were gone. Time didn’t heal the wound of you being gone. I was living inside myself, lost. The Tardis kept your room just as you left it, clothes strewn about and all,” Rose let out a laugh on a breath. “I’ve told you all of that. I won’t bore you with repetition.” 

The Doctor looked up at her, his eyes caressing her face, just as her hand was caressing his. He needed the sight of her, he told himself, he’s been starving for the sight of her, and now with the bay behind them and the first few awkward conversations out of the way, she sensed that need from him and gave him silent permission, indulging herself in his face as well. It wasn't long before her hands followed her eyes and her fingertips traced the lines beside his eyes. He them crinkle familiarly under her touch with a hopeful smile. Rose returned the smile without stopping to think and let her palm cup his cheek, and something snapped between them at the fuller touch. He leaned and rocked his head into her palm, seeking the warmth of her hand before he could stop himself.

The Doctor had encased himself - his hearts - in leather and steel after his planet burned. Nothing and no one could ever touch him again, he'd thought. That had been his intention, anyway. He’d never wanted to hurt like that again. He only wanted to help people and be on his way. No attachments. Then this little shop girl came along and tore right through everything. He didn’t understand how she had done it, he likely never would. The only answers he could come up with as to how her as to how she'd captured his hearts so quickly were her unflinching forgiveness, her unwavering compassion. 

He’d tried to shake her off when he'd felt himself falling, but he knew now that that living plastic had been meant to invade Henriks on that very night, when Rose was working. The Tardis, his clever girl, had taken him there on purpose, Rose had been meant to be in that basement. He’d been meant to find her there, to grab her hand and say “run.” And then to never stop running with her - or after her.

“I meant what I said, Rose,” he said so quietly it was almost a whisper, “on the beach at Bad Wolf Bay. Me, this one life, this one heart; it’s all yours if you want it. I don’t want anything but you in this life, and I’ll live it any way you want.”

She released the hand she was holding in hers and brought it up to the side of his face so that both of her hands were cradling his cheeks, pulling his face towards her, bringing them closer together and closing her eyes in the moment before her mouth met his. The lingered softly, easily, and the Doctor's heart pounded desperately against his chest before they started to gently, so very slowly to move their lips over each other. Memories and comfort and love burst to life in each of their minds, and they each felt the wall between them wearing down like Hannibal breaching the stones in his path to cross the Alps when the Doctor slipped one arm around Rose to splay his hand across her back and another up to her head, cradling her neck and threading his fingers through her hair, holding her to him as if she’d disappear any moment. Rose lowered one arm around his shoulders and he dared to believe that maybe she may stay with him, maybe she would be his, maybe - just maybe - he would get the happily ever after he’d never believed he deserved and would certainly never have. He pulled her closer into his arms, opening his mouth a little, and Rose opened hers to meet him, and the Doctor was dimly aware somewhere in the back of his blissfully fogged mind of not making a spectacle in such a public place but really, who cared? Rose was in his arms, kissing him. They were together again and sod what anyone thought. 

He wrapped both arms around her, tugging her even closer, all of his senses lost in her but needing _more_ , there could never be enough of her and he needed _more of her_ , so he got her as close as he could get her to him without having her in his lap - although when he thought on it, that wasn’t such a bad -

 _*clickclickclickclickclickclick*_ A photographer rushed forward, the clicking growing louder than fainter as the doppler effect came into play.

“Bloody hell.”

They managed to pull back and looked around just in time to see a man disappearing into the crowd at a run.

“Well,” The Doctor said sardonically, arms still around Rose, touching his forehead to hers. “I really put my foot in it when I said I wasn’t easily surprised. That’s three times in less than an hour.”

“That’ll be on the front page tomorrow, that will.” Rose leaned her forehead against his, smiling ruefully. He was hesitant to loosen his grip, still wanting her close, and she didn't seem so eager to be away from him either. She bit her lip and the Doctor fought the urge to tell her not to do that, she might hurt it, then kiss whatever nonexistent damage she was doing with her teeth all better when she idly reached up to his lips, wiping his bottom lip to clear it of smudged lipstick. The Doctor could have cared less if he was marked with her makeup. No, scratch that. Being marked as Rose Tyler's would be lovely, absolutely lovely.

But instead of saying so, he went back to the original topic. “D’ya think?”

“Oh yes.” Rose sat up and pulled away, lacing her fingers with the Doctor’s but looking concerned now, spotting another photographer in the crowd.

The Doctor tried not to be hurt by her furrowed brow. “Is that so terrible?”

She shook her head, still scowling but schooling her features into a smile when she turned to answer him. “‘Course not.”

“What will they say?”, he asked, curious. He’d never been in the social pages before. Could be fun.

“Oh, the typical. ‘Rose Tyler’s Boy Toy’. ‘Heiress Snogs Mystery Man’. Typical rubbish.”

The Doctor processed for a second and tried to keep his voice very calm. He could feel the jealousy rising and tried to tamp it down.

He failed. “Had a lot of those headlines, have you?” He was aiming for casual, and once again, he failed.

“‘Course I have.”

His jaw clenched and he tried to keep from letting her feel his anger. Rose knew him too well, though, and sensed the Storm in his tightened muscles. “What’s the matter with you?”

“Nothing.”

“Not nothing. You’re all over stroppy. You’re that upset that a cameraman interrupted our snog?”

He didn’t appreciate being called ‘stroppy,’ and it certainly didn’t help in the moment. “No, I’m just wondering how many snogs got interrupted.”

She looked at him, letting go of his hand with dawning suspicion behind her confusion. “What are you on about?”

“'Boy toys?' 'Mystery men?' That’s handy to know.”

She laughed. “You’re daft, you are.”

“Am I?”

“Yep.” She popped the ‘p’. “At the very least you’re being churlish. But mostly just barmy.”

The Doctor stood up suddenly. “I believe I’ll head back to your parents’ house now, if you’ll excuse me.”

“Fine, I’ll take you. And tell you about how there were no -”

“You don’t need to tell me anything, Rose Tyler. You were - are - free to do whatever you please. Whomever you please, as it were.” His jaw was clenched, and his voice was very controlled, the voice he used when angry and intimidating. Rose was never the least cowed by this and never had been.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, but by all means.” She gestured for him to continue.

“Of course I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m just a barmy old man, am I?”

“Quite right, too.” She crossed her arms and cocked onto one hip, challenging him to make a move.

“I have to go.”

“As you were, then.”

The Doctor walked off without another word, his hands shoved in his pockets and his head bowed.

~*~O~*~

Rose slammed the door when she came into the residential area of her parents’ house, assured that she was far enough away from the Doctor's room in that he wouldn’t hear (but hoping he would) and knowing him well enough to know that he would have sonicked himself in his room by now.

Pete and Jackie sat in the spacious lounge. Tony was snuggled in Jackie’s lap in his jimjams, obviously close to sleep. At the slam of the door, however, he squirmed his way free and came toddling to his sister, arms up, babbling happily.

“Well that’s just bloody wonderful, Rose, he was almost out. What’d'ya slam the door for, eh?”

Rose ignored her mother, instead scooping up her brother and heading to the closest armchair, cooing at him softly about how he was going to be the man getting her snuggles for now. “Don’t worry, Mum," she said loud enough for the adults to hear. "I’ll get him back to sleep.” She nuzzled in with Tony and began to bounce and coo softly.

“She’s a dab hand with babies,” Jackie said to no one in particular. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Pete nodded, watching his daughter fondly. “She is wonderful.” He broke from his reverie and grinned knowingly. “Date didn’t go so well, eh?”

She shook her head, not looking up from Tony.

Jackie and Pete looked at each other then back to Rose. “What happened? You can't still believe he’s-”

“Oh, he’s the Doctor alright. Fucking stubborn, stupid, arse Doctor!” She began to cry.

Pete bristled at her language, prepared to dress her down but Jackie waved her hand at him dismissively. She walked over to the armchair and perched on the arm, stroking her daughter’s hair as she rocked the baby. “Alright now, s’okay. Can’t be as bad as all of that. Tell me what happened.”

Tears clotted Rose’s voice, and she debated telling her parents about their row. They liked the Doctor, especially her mum, and Rose was relishing her anger and hurt for the moment (as much as she hated it, too). All she really wanted was to vent her spleen and steep in the negative emotions she was feeling for a while. Maybe she should have called her best mate, Katie, for this. 

But her mum was her mum, and mum knew the Doctor. Her dad did too, a little. They’d talk her around; she didn’t _really_ want to be angry, and she knew they’d make her feel better. What’s more, she knew as well as she knew her name that her mother would have the Doctor well and sorted out in the morning if she knew. It was the final thought and her desire to be back to normal with him that decided her.

“Everything was going great, Mum,” her voice halting and raspy, “really great. We were having a nice time. A paparazzo jumped out at us when we were having ice cream and I tried to explain to him that that might happen to us sometimes because of who I am.” She sniffed and Jackie nodded, still stroking her hair. Tony’s eyes drooped. “I told him people would be interested in us because he was suddenly around. He didn’t seem bothered about it. So that’s great, yeah?” Jackie nodded sympathetically, running her hair down Rose’s hair again. Pete just peered at his daughter. “So we’re talking and we have this really great moment and we’re holding hands and everything, and start snogging -”

Pete interrupted with a disgruntled noise and both women spun their heads around, Jackie narrowing her eyes at him. She chided him, “Oh, come off it, Pete, she’s twenty-four years old and she’s been in love with the Doctor since she was nineteen. If you think they’re not going to be snogging you’re more naive than Tony.”

“But she’s my daughter!” Pete sputtered helplessly.

“She’s my daughter, too, she’s been m’daughter her whole life and he’s the Doctor so you c'n bugger right off with your noises! You don’t know ‘im, you don’t know her as well as I, you don’t know them together and you’ll be lucky if you only see ‘em snogging! Like a good cuddle, these two do.” Jackie and Pete stared each other down for a moment until he sighed and gave in, burying his face in his hands. Jackie had won this round and Pete conceded his defeat. Rose was glad, but she really rather loved when Pete won their little spats. She loved seeing her formidable mother so in love that she could be swayed - especially now that she was head-over-heels in love with her dad.

“Go on, sweetheart. You were saying?” Jackie went back to stroking Rose’s hair and gently encouraged her.

“Yeah,” Rose continued. “We kissed. And right as soon as I snogged him -”

“ _You_ snogged _him?!_ ”

Jackie grabbed a pillow from the couch next to her and tossed it at Pete's head. He ducked it, apparently used to this treatment. “Hush, you. Go on, Rose.”

“As soon as I snogged him, this photographer jumped out and snapped a bunch of pictures.”

Jackie just stroked her head. “Well,” she said after a moment, “s’not ideal, but s’not the end of the world, is it?”

“No, it wouldn’t bother me a bit - well, I’d have preferred privacy of course but I don't mind people knowing about him a'tall - except he asked me the same thing you did and I told him what the headlines would likely be.”

Pete asked, “What did you tell him the headlines would be?”

“‘Rose Tyler’s mystery man’. 'Heiress’ Boy Toy’. The usual rubbish those rags put out.”

Pete, the most accustomed to this treatment in the press after so many years, nodded sagely. “That’ll be what goes to print, for sure.”

“But,” the tears started up again, “Doctor took it to mean that those headlines had been printed about me before. That I had had...boy toys and mystery men. He got angry and left.”

Jackie’s sympathetic “ _oh sweetheart_ ” was covered by Pete’s indignant “ _he didn’t!_ ”, and both of them made Rose feel worse. She’d not wanted to come running to her parents like a teenager, but comfort was usually nice. This only made her feel stupid.

“Doesn’t he understand how desperately you missed him?” Jackie asked. Rose just snuffled into the top of Tony's strawberry blond head.

“Rose, listen to me,” Pete said, leaning forward on his knees. “I know what it’s like to have lost someone you love, to believe they’re gone forever, and then get them back suddenly.” His eyes flicked up to Jackie then back to his daughter. “It’s like...it’s like a miracle. You feel like the luckiest man in the universe. In in the multiverse. And you really are, but it’s also a terribly confusing feeling. You’ve spent all that time thinking that all hope was lost, then suddenly it’s there again, right before you.

“The Doctor is confused and feeling incredibly, incredibly lucky. _You_ knew you were coming back to him, but _he_ had no idea he was ever going to see you again. When he saw you years ago on that beach, that’s the last he thought he was ever going to see you. He spent the entire time that you were working on coming back to him thinking you were entirely lost to him and trying to get over you. Then you were back suddenly and now he’s with you forever. It’s a lot to deal with. It was for me. Of course he’s happy, please don’t think he’s not. Of _course_ he’s happy, but he’s overwhelmed, too. So please, allow me to ask on his behalf - I don’t know the Doctor well at all, but I’m sure he’s going to be out of sorts for a while. I know that I was. Forgive him for being daft sometimes.”

Jackie nodded at Pete, then down at Rose, hugging her shoulders and kissing her hair. “He’s right, sweetheart. It was so hard to accept that your Dad was back after he was dead for nigh on twenty years. You knew that Doctor would be yours again. That sudden shock to the system'll take some time to get used to. But the Doctor loves you, he loves you so much. You know that, I know you do. I'd never doubt that. Haven’t doubted it in years. Not since you were trapped in a room with 'im when the slipeen were on Downing Street and he said he was afraid to lose you.”

Rose looked up and her eyes were red and puffy. “Really, Mum?”

“Really.”

“Thank you.”

“I love you, sweetheart. We all do. Now why don’t you go talk to himself? He’s wanderin' in the garden.”

~*~O~*~

She pulled the door closed behind herself, softly, so as not to wake up Tony this time, and tried to let her eyes adjust to the lack of light, squinting into the dark garden with only the lights from the kitchen to illuminate her way. The hedges cast eerie shapes across the neatly trimmed lawn but that was of no concern to Rose - she knew this terrain well and even if she hadn’t, she feared very little after years with the Doctor and Torchwood. If she could face down Daleks, she could certainly handle whatever horrors waited for her in her mum and dad’s garden.

So why was her heart pounding like it was trying to run away from the danger she was putting it in?

Rose stepped gingerly into the yard, tiptoeing but not quite, choosing her steps in the dewy grass carefully. “Doctor?” she called out in a near-whisper. She got no answer. She pulled out her phone to use as a torch and lit it up, her steps a little bolder now as she walked further from the house, a little deeper into the moonlight swallowing the mansion.

“Doctor?”

Still no answer. 

She kept walking, looking behind bushes, walking to the fountains, by the pool, toward the gazebo, calling his name occasionally, coming up with nothing.

“Doctor?”

“I’m here, Rose.”

She jumped at the soft reply, dropping her mobile to the grassy earth below her and clutching her chest with a deep, shuddering breath. “Doctor,” she said on exhale, “you startled me.” She bent to pick up her phone and extinguish the torch.

The Doctor sat in a chair propped against the unlit gazebo, head resting against the hands he had folded behind himself. He turned his head away from the sky to look at her. “I’m sorry, Rose. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He paused, looking at her for a minute longer, seeming to think before he looked back up at the sky. “I suppose there wasn’t any way around frightening you, though.”

Rose didn’t miss the double entendre. She chose to acknowledge it and shut it down subtly. “No, I suppose there wasn’t any way around startling me in the dark.” She put her phone in her pocket and looked around for another chair. “What are you doing out here?”

“I’m looking at the stars. I wanted to see if they’re all the same.”

Rose gave a short, noncommittal ‘mmm’ sound as her answer, saying nothing to that. She knew the answer, of course; just like everything else in this universe, it was very much alike with subtle differences. The differences were almost too small to notice, but they were there.

“Doctor,” she began, “I -”

“When I grew into this body and became ...nearly human, I suppose you'd say… I retained all of my memories, all of my experiences, all of my thoughts, almost all of my abilities. Really,” he said, “all I’ve lost is the ability to regenerate and one of my hearts. I’m a mortal Time Lord. Gained a little Donna, of course, but I’m still me, Rose. Still me. Just like last time you saw me regenerate.”

“You’ve still got your other senses, then?" Rose felt compelled to tiptoe around the heavy topic of his identity, and didn't particularly care to talk about their row. "You can sense things?”

“Yes. I could still communicate with the Tardis, when we gr - when I grow one." Rose winced, but he didn't notice. "I’m still a touch telepath, I’m certain of it, although I haven't given it a go. My regular telepathy remains in place, although it's not constantly active like it was before. I have to turn it on, so to speak.” He tugged one hand from behind his head and brought it around to tug his ear, tilting his head to the side, still looking at the stars. The gesture was so Doctor-ish that Rose felt a physical pang in her chest and had the impulse to go to him and bury her face in his chest, wrap her arms around his waist and let him drape his arms around her. "'Course," he continued, popping her little bubble of thought, "this body is still incredibly new. Less than a week old, and there's never been a metacrisis before. I'm not sure if things need to 'settle in', so to speak, or if this is how things are." He replaced the hand behind his head and continued his stargazing, his brow still knitted. "I've just no idea what my new normal is going to be, now that I'm, well, nearly human."

Rose tried to take in everything he'd just said, realizing its importance. So much about him was changed, so much she hadn't thought about. He was going through so much more than just finding her again. Perhaps the Other Doctor hadn't been so far off the mark when he compared the man in front of her to himself when they first met. The Doctor in front of her was certainly wounded, and with good reason, but she didn't think for a moment that he was dangerous. He'd committed genocide, certainly, but so had she, as the Bad Wolf. She'd do it again if she had to, and she didn't doubt that he would, too. 

As far as their argument earlier in the evening, Rose reminded herself of her parents’ words. The Doctor had lost so much, then regained her. He was confused and he was completely entitled to be a mess from time to time. 

She tried for levity and grinned in the dark. “So, with your senses intact...does that mean you’re still going to be lick-”

The Doctor cut her off. “Have I told you, Rose, that I kept your room just as it was? I probably have. If I haven’t already, I probably will again. I don’t remember. The last few days are all a jumble, it seems, and I feel like things will be jumbled for a while longer. I think it may be a bit before I settle into that new normal I was just talking about.” He still hadn’t looked at her, but he took a deep breath. There was a crack in his voice, and she wondered how close to the edge of tears he was. 

“I’ve not had anyone to tell that to before now, and I’m so bloody happy to see you again that I’ll try to tell you over and over in my hamfisted way just how much I love you and missed you while we were apart.” He paused for just a moment, changing direction. “But I did,” he said. “I kept your room just as it was. The Tardis kept it hidden or locked down from Martha and Donna.”

Rose nodded, tamping down a little moment of smugness and he continued. “I missed you like an ache, Rose. Missing you was worse than any physical pain I’ve ever been in, and I’ve died over and over. It was worse than any emotional pain, too. It was worse than I felt when I found you in that basement - or rather when you found me, because when you really get down to it, you’re the one who saved me.”

Rose said nothing, biting back all of the things she wanted to say, fighting her desire to go to him. He seemed to need to get this out, and she was determined to let him. Her only concern was that he may think this was his last chance to get it out, and she wanted him to understand that it was not. But whatever he needed to say, whatever he’d been saving up for the last three years, she wanted him to have a chance to get out. 

“You helped make me better, your love, compassion and...and just...your unrelenting kindness and humanity healed me from what I’d been suffering when you found me. And then you were gone and not only did I have the wound of you being gone to contend with, I had the reopening of the old wounds you'd helped repair to deal with, too. I was a miserable bloody mess. I’ve no idea how anyone dealt with me.”

Rose wiped her cheeks hurriedly, still staring at him as he reclined back on the two legs of the chair, resting against the pole of the gazebo in her parents’ garden. The thought of him in the kind of pain he’d been in when she met him all over again was crushing. Still, she didn't go to him. He needed to finish.

“I came up with this brilliant idea to keep myself sane. I went to your room and got something of yours and brought it to the console room. One of your shirts, usually. I’d just lay it over the rail and leave it there. You know why?” Rose shook her head, but he didn’t bother to look up and see if she had acknowledged him. “Because it carried the smell of your shampoo and perfume and just - it smelled like Rose Tyler. And if I had something of yours hanging on a railing in the console room, I could fool myself into believing that you were somewhere around the Tardis, that you were nearby, just a shout away - maybe making us tea or lying down because humans sleep _so much,_ ,” he added in an almost teasing tone, “but I thought if I could just catch a tiny whiff of you, just that small comfort, I could make it through the day. I could lie to myself and trick myself into believing that you were still close, that you may come into the library and hold me or into the console room while I was working and put your arms around me, and with that lie, I could make it another day. Just another day. _Just one more day_ , I told myself. And eventually, I thought that maybe I wouldn’t need that crutch. But it didn't work.

"After a time, when I couldn’t stand the emptiness anymore, I put the shirts back in your room and started carrying something of yours in my pocket, something that I could touch. The smell of someone else mixed with your smell was wrong, so wrong. But I held onto something I knew that you had touched. I could reach into my pocket and feel it, it was in my hand and I knew that it had been in your hand, or around your neck or wrist, it was _yours_.” The Doctor unlaced his fingers behind his head and reached up to wipe his eyes casually, then rejoined his hands as a pillow. “But I couldn’t connect to you when I touched it. I couldn’t feel your presence, no matter what I tried. Not if I smelled you, not if I’d touched something you’d touched. 

"I tried to be okay, Rose. I tried to be the Doctor, I honestly did try, but I wasn’t okay. Not really. Something died in me when you were gone. I thought it had died in me when Gallifrey burned, and I suppose it did, or part of it did, but you had made me want to live again, you’d brought me back. Then you were gone, and all of that was gone, too. I just missed you so much that I can’t even explain it.”

The Doctor removed his hands from behind his head and wiped his eyes again, sniffing then taking a deep breath and sitting the chair down on all four legs. Looking at her finally as he stood, he said, “I want you to believe - need you to _know_ \- that I’m The Doctor, but I can completely understand why this situation is utterly confusing. It’s somewhat confusing for me, and I’m the source of the confusion. But whether or not you can accept that I’m the Doctor you fell in love with, I want you to know that I am in love with you. Truly and madly in love with you, and I have been since I had big ears and a black leather jacket. I realized I was in love with you when you asked me to dance during the Blitz, although when I got honest with myself, I’d been in love with you for a while before that. And that if my actions didn’t prove what a fool in love I am tonight, well, believe me, I’m sure I’ll be making much more of an arse of myself over you, Rose Tyler, given the chance. Lord knows I’ve been making an arse of myself for you since we met, I’ve no intention of stopping now. And you’re angry with because of what I said, and I suppose I understand, I just...oh blimey.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Tonight's another time I made an arse of myself, I s’pose. I knew better. I reckon I know you better than to think you’d fly across two universes to find me if you had boyfriends here. I was a stupid bastard, and I’m sorry. S’pose you should prepare for more of that, if I’m to stick around. Rude and not ginger and all that. But for now, good night, Rose Tyler. I need to get away before I do something even more foolish.”

And with that, he turned and strode back into the house, his hands jammed into the pockets of his denims, his head bowed, leaving Rose utterly nonplussed, without any chance to say anything to him, her mouth in an O as she watched him go.

~*~O~*~

“You daft git.”

The Doctor stopped cold as he walked into the kitchen the next morning. Jackie stood at the counter in her dressing gown, hands on hips, turning away from the fruit she had been slicing for Tony. Tony sat at the table, chattering loudly and slapping the table occasionally, waiting for his breakfast.

“I’m sorry?”

“You stupid arse.”

“Ah. I see you've talked to Rose.” The Doctor sat at the table, deliberately putting himself near Tony and hoping that that might prevent a slap.

“D'you really think that Rose spent all that time runnin' around with other blokes? You’re damned barmy if you do.”

He sighed heavily and rubbed his face, hard.

“That girl has been bloody-damn mad for you since she w's just a kid, and she’s never had eyes for anyone else. The moment she landed 'ere, all she could think about was gettin' back to you. Ready to leave me and her dad, she was. She built a bleedin’ cannon to shoot herself back to your universe so she could be with you; she was gonna leave me an all o' us here. And wha'd'you do, you prawn? Y'cuse her of havin' boy toys." Jackie threw up her hands in disgust. "Honestly.”

He looked up at Tony, hoping for a little sympathy. The toddler looked back at him and smiled, his few teeth gleaming white. Tony slapped the table and the Doctor resigned himself to a lack of support from the two year old, so he asked the young boy, “I am rather daft, aren’t I, chap?”

“Aren't you just,” Jackie huffed, answering for Tony, who giggled and nodded. “Made my daughter cry an' everythin'.”

He nodded miserably and the words hit him like a blow to the gut, a sensation he should probably be getting used to. He’d been tortured all night with the thought that he may have hurt her, had most likely falsely accused her and _then_ hurt her some more. She’d more than likely missed him almost as much as he missed her. Then he told himself that there was no way she could possibly have missed him that much - nobody could ever miss someone as much as he had missed her.

_But she built a cannon for you, dumbo._

_Yes, she did. That tends to indicate devotion, does it not?_

_Yes, it rather does._

_So why did you question her then? That was rather bloody wizard._

_Because for someone so clever, you’re a fucking idiot sometimes, Doctor._

The Doctor shook his head, recognizing Donna's influence in his head, and the corner of his lip quirked up for just a moment. He had no idea why he’d acted like he had, it had been foolish of him. He had never really been jealous before in his many lives - until Rose Tyler. It wasn’t a healthy emotion, but there it was. He was terribly afraid of losing her. As time went by and they were together, he was less worried about losing her to someone else and more afraid of losing her to some other force, but the fear of losing her to another man had certainly reared its ugly head last night. And he’d hurt Rose. He couldn’t let that happen again. He couldn’t hurt the one person in the universe - two universes - _the whole of reality_ \- that he loved most.

Jackie walked to the table and set Tony’s plate down with more force than was strictly necessary. “Now you’d better be setting it right with her, or I’ll be taking it out of your arse. You’ve made her cry quite enough for one lifetime, thanks.”

She stared at The Doctor until he nodded meekly. “Yes ma’am.”

She nodded in satisfaction. “Good. Now, two milks in your tea, is that right? Here. I figured you’d be down soon, so I went ahead and made you a cuppa.” She sat it down on the mat in front of him and sat next to Tony, giving him a knowing look.

"Ta, Jackie."

“Welcome." She turned back to walk to the counter, ruffling Tony's hair as she passed. "Oi! Another thing,” she began, and Doctor groaned. “Rose told us you were snoggin' when you were caught by that man with the camera.” The Doctor pinkened a little. “Don’t go gettin' all shy around me, Doctor, known for years about you and Rose, haven't I?”

He tried valiantly not to blush, but failed. “Yeah, we were.”

“Well, _I’ve_ known but _her Dad_ hasn’t. He was a bit scandalized.”

“Oh.”

“I haven’t seen the papers yet, but I’m sure they’ll have it by now.”

The Doctor sighed heavily, leaning back in his chair. “Well, that’s bloody brilliant. Quite clever of me, isn’t it?”

Jackie shrugged. “He’s known that Rose was in love with you since he’s known Rose. But he’s grown fond of the idea of havin' a little girl, so it’ll take him a bit of gettin' used to. Perhaps take it easy on the snoggin' in front of her dad, yeah?”

“Not a problem,” Doctor agreed.

"I'll bend Rose's ear as well."

He nodded.

“And try not to get caught in front of photographers for a while.”

“Quite right.”

Jackie gave him another knowing look, with a small smile. “Have either Rose or Pete told you that this world is much more acceptin' of aliens and whatnot than our old Earth?”

“Yeah,” he said around a sip of tea. He could say all kinds of things about Jackie, but she made wonderful tea. “I believe it was mentioned.”

“It’s true. They’re much more open to the idea of things that ain't from here.”

The Doctor nearly choked on his tea when the thought occurred to him. “Oh, bloody hell, Jackie, the news that I’m a Time Lord from another universe isn’t going to be published to the entire planet, is it?”

“No, no, nothing like that, and don't swear in front of Tony. I jus' wanted to find out if you knew.”

He eyed her warily. “I’m aware.”

“Good. Make things right with Rose when you see her tonight.”

“Where is she now?”

“Torchwood. She went in to work early today. She’ll be home late afternoon. She's been cuttin' out of work early, las' few days."

The Doctor didn't respond, but Jackie's eyes smiled at him over the rim of her mug.


	6. Donna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Donna looked skeptical and a little alarmed, possibly at the prospect at meeting this stranger she was supposed to know in another dimension, and Rose empathized. It would be overwhelming for anyone to take in, but Donna was truly remarkable. If the Donna that the Doctor knew was much like this one, he could see why he was so fond of her. Rose reached across the table to grab the redhead’s hand quickly. “I promise...once you know him, you’ll love him like a brother. He’s wonderful, truly.” She squeezed her hand and Donna nodded._
> 
>  
> 
> Rose surprises the Doctor with an old friend.

Rose smiled at the woman sitting across the table from her. “You certainly are taking this well. Much better than I would have expected: much _much_ better than I think I may have.”

“Well, I like to think of myself as an open-minded person,” she said primly. Rose knew better, but smiled anyway. “Torchwood has been hinting at aliens and whatnot for years. It’s not such a leap to think about another universe. After the cyberman attack and half the people we know being turned into murder-bots," Donna gave her head a little toss and threw her hand absently on the last word, "it became quite easy to believe in even stranger things.” Donna sat her cup down gently. “Besides, you Torchwood lot have been priming me with bizarro-world rubbish for months now, so I’m quite well-adjusted by now. But you say that this friend of mine, he’s a bloke.”

“Yes.”

“And he and I are dear friends.”

“Best of,” Rose smiled at her warmly. "Like siblings."

“And he doesn’t have a name, he just goes by ‘Doctor’?”

“Yes. It’s unusual, but it suits him perfectly.”

“And he’s from this parallel world, but now he lives here?”

“Yes. But if my theory is correct, you’ll recognize him on some level. You’ll be familiar with him, although _you’ve_ never met him.” Rose took a sip of her own tea, then sat it down and continued after she swallowed. “There’s much, much more to tell you, and he may say some things that seem...odd. He won’t know how much I’ve told you or not told you. But please, don’t be frightened. I hope you know me well enough by now from our dealings to know that I would never put you in any danger. He’s quite harmless. You'll find after you know him better that he's very endearing and terribly fun to be around. The other version of you, the one that was his best friend, intended to travel with him indefinitely. He's just...odd at first. Takes a little getting used to.”

“I have to tell you,” Donna said, tossing back her red hair, “this is truly bizarre. Like something from a chat show. Not at all what my grandfather was thinking of when he sits out back, drinks ale and looks through that telescope of his.” She took another sip of her tea. “Blimey, this got cold fast.”

Rose looked out of the front window to the street, and the smile on her face changed from indulgent to delighted. “He’s here, just walked up.” She turned back to Donna. “Please try to remember, he knows you even though you don’t know him, so he will be quite shocked to see you. Don’t be alarmed by his behaviour, especially at first.”

Donna looked skeptical and a little alarmed, possibly at the prospect at meeting this stranger she was supposed to know in another dimension, and Rose empathized. It would be overwhelming for anyone to take in, but Donna was truly remarkable. If the Donna that the Doctor knew was much like this one, he could see why he was so fond of her. Rose reached across the table to grab the redhead’s hand quickly. “I promise...once you know him, you’ll love him like a brother. He’s wonderful, truly.” She squeezed her hand and Donna nodded. 

The bells on the front door jingled when the Doctor walked in and Rose squeezed Donna’s hand one last time. “Here, let me go get him. You’ll see.” 

“Alright…” Donna said slowly, but Rose was too far out of earshot, and she was actually just talking to her cappuccino.

~*~O~*~

“Rose!” the Doctor cried excitedly, reaching for her hands when he saw her, then drawing back awkwardly. He’d accidentally thrust a small bouquet of flowers towards her, having apparently forgotten them but had suddenly remembered when he hit Rose in the arm with them. “Yes, right, er, these are for you. To say I'm sorry.” He presented them in a more proper fashion and hurried on. “I’m so glad you rang. I’d really like to talk with you-”

“They’re lovely, Doctor,” she cut him off smoothly and stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. He blushed slightly and his face radiated joy. Rose slid the hand not holding the nosegay of bright flowers from his shoulder to his hand, taking his ring finger and pinky into her hand loosely. “They smell lovely, too. Thank you. And we can talk later, if you want, but we don’t need to talk about the row.” He began to protest and she placed the flowers against his chest, cutting him off. “Right now, I have a surprise for you.”

The Doctor looked baffled. “A surprise...for me?”

“Yes, a surprise.” She touched her tongue to her teeth and slid her hand farther into his, lacing their fingers and gave him a little tug towards the back of the cafe. “C’mon.”

The Doctor trailed behind Rose as she headed towards the far corner of the little coffee shop. “I thought perhaps we might like a little privacy for this reunion,” Rose turned and said to him partway, smiling happily. The Doctor looked at her, more perplexed than ever, then looked down when they reached the back of the shop and Rose gestured down toward the table.

“Doctor, may I introduce Miss Donna Noble?”

Doctor’s jaw went slack, as did his grip in Rose’s hand. She squeezed it gently, looking up at him, smiling with her tongue in her teeth again.

“No…”

Donna stood up, giving each of them an unsure smile, extending a hand to the Doctor. “Hello, Doctor. I understand we’re friends. Well, not here as of yet, but I’m assured that once I know you we’ll be quite chummy. Partners in crime, or something like. Rose has told me so much about you, especially in the past few days.”

“I don’t believe it.” His slack expression hadn’t changed and he still stared at her openly. Rose’s face barely contained her delight, her eyes darting back and forth between the two. “But it can’t be…” the Doctor said, still stunned. “No. There are too many variables. You’re not really Donna.”

“Oi! I’m as real as you are, alien boy!” Donna said, not unkindly but with knitted brows, almost indignant. “I’m right here, aren’t I?” She looked to Rose for reassurance, and Rose tugged on the Doctor’s arm to get his attention.

The Doctor mirrored Donna, swiveling his head, his brow furrowed and eyes disbelieving. “How did you…?”

Rose hurried to answer, tugging the Doctor’s hand and attempting to get his attention. “Donna is from here, Doctor. We came into contact with her when I was trying to get to you and we kept finding what we did about Donna Noble’s timelines. It took a while to figure out that we had the wrong Donna Noble.”

“You know,” Donna said slowly, her eyes crinkling, “There _is_ something terribly familiar about him. Is he always this skinny?”

Doctor turned back to Donna and squinted. “...Donna?”

“And thick?”

He hugged her then, scooping her into a surprise embrace and clutching her close. Donna didn’t immediately return the display of affection, and her arms stuck out from his sides, floundering. “Oi,” she said into his shoulder where her face was buried, before patting his back awkwardly. “So we’re this type of friends, are we?”

“Right,” he said, releasing her instantly. “I’m sorry, so so sorry.” He stepped backwards and brushed his hands down her arms as if to dust off any lingering trace of himself. “It’s just...blimey, Donna,” and his smile was bright as the sun. “I thought I’d never see you again. I was sure I’d lost you forever. Save Rose, I’ve never been so chuffed to see someone in my life.”

~*~O~*~

“So tell me about this other Earth, then. Is it much different? Do the cars fly and are the trees purple? Most importantly, am I wealthy and successful, dripping with aquamarines with men flocking all around?” Donna waggled her fingers in the air before she stirred her coffee and listened with marked interest.

“Aquamarines?” The Doctor looked at Rose quizzically. 

“Ah, yes, that’s another thing that's different, Doctor. Aquamarines here are akin to diamonds back home. They’re _the_ stone of status.”

"Diamonds?" Donna snorted. "Who'd want a diamond?"

The Doctor tilted his head. “Really? Well, I guess that makes sense, when you think on it. Beryl of some colors is more rare than diamonds, and if you -”

“It’s not much different a’tall, actually,” said Rose, looking at to Doctor both to shut him up and for confirmation. “We have a Prime Minister instead of a President, although some countries don’t have it switched around and are the same here and there. Some of the country names are different and there aren’t any blimps to speak of.”

“Blimps?” 

“Zeppelins.”

“Ah.” Donna took a sip of her cappuccino. 

“Hindenburg must not have happened here,” the Doctor said as an aside to Rose. She shot him a look that said clearly, _stop leaving Donna out._ He got the hint.

“I don’t know your life here, of course, having only just met this you,” said the Doctor, pausing and looking at Rose for a second, his eyes sad, then looking back at Donna and carrying on. “Back home, you’re terribly clever. Bloody wizard in a pinch, you are. Saved my life a fair few times, I don’t mind saying. Quite funny and witty-”

“And make a sport of taking Doctor down a notch,” Rose finished, fondly brushing away an imaginary speck of fluff from his jumper. His face lit up at her touch.

Donna watched their interaction with a small smile. “So you two are a couple then?”

The Doctor made a sound indicative of being unsure what to say before Rose linked her arm through his. “Yeah,” she said quietly and looked up at him. “We are.” The Doctor beamed.

“That must have been hard, what with being in parallel universes and all. Did you divide it up every other weekend or something?”

The Doctor snorted and Rose tinkled a laugh before turning to the Doctor. “You were right about her. She just made me laugh about three years of misery. I didn’t think it would ever be possible.”

“Told you so,” the Doctor replied, looking at Rose. “She was the first person to make me smile or laugh.” He turned to Donna, remembering Rose’s admonishment. “To answer your question, Donna, it was miserable.”

“Oh, so you were an item before, on the other Earth?”

“I dunno. Rose, were we an item?” Doctor replied. Rose swatted his arm and he continued, grinning. “It was - er - unspoken, but we were together and happy. I was, anyway. Daresay Rose felt the same.”

She gave his arm a squeeze that everyone at the table took as affirmation.

“So how did you end up here, Rose? And you stayed behind, Doctor? Was it intentional?”

Rose’s “no” was slightly louder than The Doctor’s “not remotely” and Donna looked between the two of them for an explanation. “Er, it’s a long story,” the Doctor began.

“Go on, then. I’m on holiday all day.” Donna pushed her empty cup away from her.

“Right. Well,” Rose began, “You mentioned the cybermen?” Donna nodded. “We had those in our universe, too. And they invaded, as well as Daleks.”

“Daleks?”

“Daleks are an old enemy of mine,” the Doctor said darkly, the memory still fresh enough to be raw. “But we figured out a way to get rid of them all…”

~*~O~*~

“That went really, amazingly well,” Rose said, bouncing a little and turning towards him as they walked towards the car park a couple of blocks away.

His hands were in his pockets but he walked with his stride rolling from heel to his toe, not looking at her when he smiled up at the heavens. “Right pleased with yourself you are, Rose Tyler.”

“I am.” She turned around to walk backwards when she answered him.

“And a sneaky little thing, too.” He touched his tongue to the back of his teeth.

“Quite sneaky, yes.” She bounced again, bouncing back around to walk beside him and looping her hand in his elbow. “Don't hear you complaining, though. You love it. Don’t deny it.”

The Doctor reached up and tugged his ear in mock deliberation. “Wellll…”

“You do, you daftie.” She swatted him playfully and tugged his arm. He laughed and released his hand from his pocket, wiggling his fingers until one of her hands slid into his.

Rose heard the familiar clicking of a camera and looked up to the Doctor, noting the slight fading of his smile. “They’re back,” she told him, knowing it was pointless, he already knew. Superior senses and all that.

“So I heard.”

“Does it bother you?”

“Well,” he said, tugging his ear again, this time for real. “I’m not happy about it, and it’s not something I wanted or expected, but if it’s part and parcel of a life with you, I’ll acclimate.”

She squeezed his hand and his elbow, putting her chin on his shoulder. He looked down and sideways at her, his lips curled in a lazy smile. “And what will the papers say of this display, Miss Tyler?”

“Oh, only that I’m wild about you.”

“What a filthy, lying rag.”

She laughed and stood on tiptoe to kiss him quickly, but he caught her by the waist, turning his body to pull her flush against him, holding her close to him for a second longer.

"Think they'll make much of this?"

"Probably so."

"Good." He kissed her again, a quick peck through a smile. “I couldn’t help but overhear you tell Miss Noble that you and I are a couple, Rose Tyler.” She didn’t say anything, just blinked up at him, her face inches away from his. “Any truth to that rumor?”

There was a quirk to his lips, but his eyes were serious. Rose could see the need to know where he stood, the desperation for some foothold in the endless brown of his eyes. She decided to be completely honest with him. 

“I don’t want anyone but my Doctor,” she said quietly, with all the sincerity in her heart. “I’m becoming more and more certain that’s you. I _want_ it to be you.”

He nodded down at her and gave her one more soft, chaste kiss, smiling against her lips. “Good.” 

They walked on, hand in hand, ignoring the eyes and lenses of curious onlookers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I adore Donna Noble. Donna Noble is my spirit animal. And it's my belief that she was a tremendous comfort to Ten when he was desperate for that comfort, and I couldn't resist putting her in this fic. She's not a major character, but she pops up now and again. She serves the same role she did in the show - she's the Doctor's companion and friend. She's probably going to be out of character rather often, though, because I'm just not as brilliant as Catherine Tate. We're just going to say it's because she's in an alternate universe, k?
> 
> I also absolutely _could not_ resist 'oi alien boy'.


	7. Don't Dream It's Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around to face him, making sure she was looking into his eyes. “I’m the one who didn’t leave you - who _won’t_ leave you. I’m the one who will grow old with you, if you’ll have me. I’m the one who belongs with you - _to_ you.” _
> 
> _Rose’s eyes welled, and he pulled her a little closer. “M’all yours, Rose Tyler.” He picked up her hand and placed it over his heart, letting her feel it thump before he picked up her other hand and placing it where his other heart would have been. “There’s only the one, and it’s all yours,” he said softly._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The usual disclaimers:  
> ~I own absolutely nothing here. Nada, zip, zilch. The only things that are mine are the misteaks. (I know, I know. That joke just never gets old to me.)  
> ~Kudos, comments, reblogs and shares are lifeblood to the muse and balm to this tortured, insecure author's soul, so _thank you_ for every single one.  
>  ~Come say hi! caedmonfaith.tumblr.com or clintasha-n-olicity.tumblr.com  
> ~Chapter title taken from 'Don't Dream It's Over' by Crowded House, which is an awesome song and you should go listen to it right now.

“Morning, Doctor.”

The Doctor stifled a yawn and muttered a good morning to Pete before he sat down at the breakfast table.

“Jackie’ll be in in a minute. Tony won’t eat a bite unless Jackie or Rose feeds him, and Jackie won’t let him eat in here, but she always eats with me in the mornings before I go. You don’t mind if we wait a few moments, do you?”

“Not a’tall.” The Doctor took in the opulence of the dining room and was reminded of many of the castles he’d seen in his centuries of travel. Paintings lined the panelled walls, dark wood, antique furniture sitting against them. Fresh flowers sat on several surfaces, the scent mingling nicely with the breakfast waiting on the buffet. A maid bustled around, bringing in tea. "Where is Rose?" he asked.

“Thank you, Anita.” Pete said when the maid brought his tea. "She goes into work as soon as she gets up, most days. M'surprised she hasn't been here for breakfast more since you've been here, to be honest."

"Well," the Doctor said, "I've only been here a little over a week and things haven't been exactly smooth sailing the _entire_ time." He continued to look around the room, taking in the opulence. "Besides," Doctor continued, almost absently as he continued to look around the room, "I used to sleep rather sparingly. M'still getting used to sleeping more than an hour or so a night." 

Pete made a noncommital sound and looked amused at the Doctor, who was looking around the room still. “It’s a far cry from where and how I grew up, to be sure.”

“Huh? Oh, I’m sorry, I was staring.”

“No, it’s quite alright. I understand." Pete blew on his tea. "I hear you met me in 1987 in the other Earth.” He took a tiny sip. “I was quite a different man in 1987. Jackie and I lived in a tiny apartment at that time, I didn’t make it with my Vitex until 1989.”

“In the other Earth, Rose and Jackie still lived there. Powell Estates.”

“Yes,” Pete said, his smile slipping, growing sad. “All I wanted was for them to escape that life. I’m so sorry that they didn’t. I am so sorry that they suffered.”

The Doctor had the strangest impulse to comfort the man, and knew instinctively that part of that had to be the Donna left in his brain. “They weren’t miserable, Pete. They missed you, certainly, they always missed you, but they were happy together. They didn’t have much, but they had each other and loved each other very much. Jackie did a wonderful job with Rose, even if you weren’t there. She was very protective. Hated me terribly." Pete chuckled. "You should be proud.”

Pete nodded. “Indeed I am. I married well.”

“You’re dead right there,” Jackie said, sweeping into the dining room in her dressing gown and having a seat. The Doctor smiled, but it had little to do with Jackie’s comment. Her dressing gown was satin with lace edging, and he was happy that Rose’s mum was now getting the fine things she’d always wanted before. “You most certainly did. And what a lucky man you are. Thank you, Anita,” she said, acknowledging the tea poured for her. “Now, what were we talking about?”

Pete cleared his throat. “It’s Doctor’s first day at Torchwood.”

“Oh, that’s right!” Jackie said, swivelling her head towards the Doctor. “I thought you looked right smart today. More…” she waved her hand ineffectually. “Doctorly.”

“Doctorly?” he said, grinning and looking down at himself. “I look same as I always do.”

“You look same as you always _did_. Tie, oxford, brown suit. Same ruddy trainers." Her face was an image of disapproval. "Are you really going to wear trainers to Torchwood?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” he asked, perplexed.

“He’s fine, Jackie,” Pete intervened. “There’s nothing wrong with his shoes.”

“But Pete, they’re trainers,” she griped. “It’s unprofessional to wear them to work, it is.”

“Oh, lighten up, Jacks. We’re just happy to have him on board.” Pete nodded reassurance to the Doctor, as if to tell him to take Jackie with a grain of salt. Doctor nearly laughed.

She groused and Doctor hid a smirk. As fond as he was of Jackie after so many years, it was still comforting to see her set right now and again. She’d threatened to kill him, after all. Handful of times.

“Doctor, do you know what you’ll be doing?” she asked, changing the subject from her dismissal.

“No idea! Something utilizing my outstanding brilliance, I’m sure.”

“There he is,” Jackie said smugly. “I knew he’d be back. Didn’t I tell you he’d be back, Pete? He’s back.”

“Back?” He gave her a lopsided grin, sitting down his teacup. “S’been me since I got here.”

“No, but you’ve been moping about since you got here. Breakin’ my heart, you were. I told Pete I was going to have to give you a good smack to break you out of it, remind you of the good times.” He tilted his head at her warningly, but her eyes twinkled. “But a few evenings out with Rose fixed you right up, di’nit?”

“Well,” he said, fiddling with his ear. These were his...well, his _Rose’s_ parents. They’d opened up their home to him and he’d known Jackie for years. Jackie had put her trust into him - more or less - for many years, and he certainly couldn’t lie. But they were still Rose’s parents, and he didn’t want to bare his soul, either.

“I doubt anyone ever gets everything sorted out in just a few days, but I’m certainly feeling much better.”

“Nobody expects you to have everything sorted out right away, Doctor,” Pete said, shooting Jackie a withering look. “But we’ll be happy to have your input at Torchwood. I’ve arranged for a spacious office and laboratory for you, although it’s likely not fully stocked to your specifications just yet. We weren’t quite sure what you would want or need, so it’s just full of basic equipment and tools just at the moment. Torchwood will, of course, be more than happy to provide you with anything you want or need.”

The Doctor nodded. “You’re very generous, thank you.”

“Like we discussed, nobody expects you to remain confined to your office, of course. I daresay almost every department will have need of you at some point or another! Translations is already crawling up my arse - ‘scuse me, Jackie - to get their hands on you. We’ve had some unusual transmissions that we can’t make heads or tails of, we thought maybe you may be able to get some sense of it. It’s all rubbish to us.”

“I’ve no idea how languages from this universe are going to compare to what I know, but I’ll gladly give it a whirl. And I’m making myself available to Torchwood based on Rose’s recommendation that it’s an upstanding agency - as long as nobody expects me to do anything but exploration or genuine, non-aggressive defense. I’ll not carry a weapon or be party to any intentional harm to anyone of any species. Beyond that, I’ll certainly do anything and everything I can do.”

“Right, of course. That’s completely understandable and acceptable.” Pete nodded. “Right then! We’ll be on our way as soon as we finish.”

“And you’ll be home on time today, too, Pete Tyler," Jackie said sternly. "We’re goin’ to dinner with the Edens, and Doctor and Rose have plans, too!”

Pete rolled his eyes so that only the Doctor, who was grinning behind his teacup, could see it. “Of course, dear.”

~*~O~*~

Rose’s father had had a guest house on his property since he had the mansion built soon after he struck it rich, and when Rose fell through the void to him, he had it renovated to please her and for her to live in. She was too used to independence to live with her mother again and not really familiar with him, but she was too sad and new to this world to be far away from the nest - this was the best compromise they could come up with. She had agreed only because she wanted to please her parents, didn’t want to row with them and didn’t expect to stay on this world very long anyway. It was larger than she’d ever expected to own, but she’d determined to keep it modest - no matter if she was the daughter of a billionaire and held a position of power within a government agency or not. She’d wanted a home, not a mansion, so she’d set about trying to make the guest house feel comfortable to her. The mansion had never felt quite right to her; she just couldn’t get used to living in such opulence. She needed to set the terms of her life if she couldn’t go back the the Tardis.

“D’you like it?” she asked Doctor, and he assured her he did with a smile.

“It reminds me of your room on the Tardis.”

“Well,” she’d said sheepishly, “I wanted something to remind me of home.”

 _Home_. “You mean the Tardis?”

“Yes, of course. I always considered it my home. That alright?”

“Yes,” he said, “I can honestly say that the Tardis never quite felt like home again after you left.”

They sat now on her couch, facing each other, knees touching, arms propped on the back of the couch. Mostly empty containers of Chinese food and a half-emptied bottle of wine with two glasses sat on the table beside them. Rose had begun reminiscing about adventures they’d had together, and if the Doctor got the feeling that this was his final test, he didn’t show it. He’d been there with her and had all the answers - just from his point of view instead of hers.

“D’you remember,” she asked laughing, “the time we landed on that planet where the people were blue, and their sacred colors were pink and yellow?”

“Yes!” he exclaimed excitedly. “And you’re pink and yellow naturally, of course, but you happened to be wearing a pink t-shirt that day as well?”

“Yes!” she bounced in her seat, laughing. “And they wanted to keep me and worship me in a shrine, and they would only let me go because you said that I had to ascend into the heavens to bless everyone, lest I grow angry?”

“Well,” The Doctor said sardonically, “I was worried they were going to actually make you angry. Then I would have to deal with you when we ascended to the heavens.”

She laughed and swatted at him. “Oh, you. I wasn’t that bad. You, though, in that first body of yours, you were a right sour git. D’you remember?”

“I do. Kept calling you lot ‘stupid apes’.”

Rose’s grin didn’t falter, grew wider. “By the end of my time with that you, I knew it was more of a term of endearment than anything. I’d almost grown fond of the times you went off on tirades about how dumb we all were. It almost felt like a caress.”

“Well, I’m human now,” The Doctor said with a fading smile. “Nearly human, anyway.”

Rose leaned forward and touched the forearm he was propping his head up with. “You alright with that?”

“Me? Oh yes.” He leaned his head back and took a deep breath, wiping his face with his hand before he leaned his head back on his elbow. “I’ve always had a weak spot for humans. I’ve always admired you lot so much. It’s why I was exiled here by the Time Lords for that time. But I’ve learned so much about humanity in the years I’ve been flying around the cosmos - you lot are certainly the most interesting species. You’re curious, you’re compassionate, you’re fearless and fearful. You’re intelligent - just so intelligent. But the best thing about you is the compassion. Your capacity to feel.”

“That’s the best of us?”

“Oh yes,” he said seriously. “That’s what makes the Daleks so dangerous. They’re remorseless, they have no care in them. Time Lords are born with the ability to feel, but we are raised that it’s - not quite shameful, but it’s something to be shut down, contained, used very sparingly. Cold logic should be applied instead. Humans, though, you lot are so very open with your feelings. I found your species intriguing, I was entranced by such an open race of beings. So I went against Time Lord tradition and teachings and embraced the human ways of showing emotions, being more open with my feelings.”

Rose fought scoffing with great difficulty, but The Doctor sensed her disbelief. “Oh yes, Rose Tyler, you’ve known me at my most open. When I met you, I had just committed the most atrocious act I could ever imagine and couldn’t shut the feelings off. I wanted nothing more than to return to the cold, hard logic I was trained to use - that I _had_ used. I hated humans for introducing me to the emotions that left me writhing around on the floor after the end of the Time War. I wanted to shut the emotions off. But I met you right away, and,” he shrugged. “You reminded me why emotions are a good thing. But,” he continued, one finger in the air, “I wasn’t ready to surrender without a fight. I was hurting because, in my mind, I’d let the humans teach me how to hurt. So I threw insults at the humans. At you. And I’m sorry, Rose. That was cruel.”

“You’d stopped, or at least narrowed your attacks quite a bit by the time you regenerated, though,” she said quietly.

“Oh, I’d gotten myself into trouble over you long before I stopped insulting humans.” Her grin faltered and he blushed, embarrassed. “Speaking of things we did, d’you remember-”

“No, hold on,” she said, reaching for her glass of wine on the coffee table. “Don’t think you’re gonna get away from that one so easily. What d’you mean, gotten yourself into trouble over me? We’d gotten ourselves into trouble loads of times and you never stopped insulting us.”

The Doctor grabbed his own glass and looked to the ceiling, seeming to gather his thoughts.. “Do you remember,” he began slowly, “the time we were in the cabinet room hiding from the slitheen -”

“Of course I do,” Rose interrupted.

“Do you remember how your mother asked me if I could guarantee to keep you safe? How she kept demanding an answer, and I couldn’t give her one? And how I told you that I could save the world but I might lose you?” he asked. Rose nodded.

“I’ve always tried to keep my friends and companions safe, Rose. It’s always been terribly important to me. But in that moment, I knew it was more important for me to keep you safe than it had been for others, and that scared me. So I tried to get you to go home. At the same time, I didn’t want you to go home. I didn’t want you to leave me.”

Rose just looked at him, and he continued. “When I had to close the bulkhead in New Mexico and that Dalek said he’d exterminated you, I knew then that I’d gotten myself into trouble over you. I’d used cold logic, I thought you’d been killed and it was killing me. Then I had a second chance and couldn’t be logical. I risked everyone for you, and that’s when I realized that I -” He stopped.

“That you what, Doctor?” she prompted.

“That I loved you,” he blurted. “I put the emergency protocol 1 in place the first night you went to bed after we left New Mexico. Adam was tagging along, but he didn’t worry me so much. He was a dolt and I knew you’d figure that out right quick. But then Jack came along not long after that, and I thought I’d die with jealousy. I’ve been able to dance for hundreds of years. I just liked you trying to teach me...then Jack walked in the door of the Tardis, asked you to dance and I wasn’t about to let him get his hands on you. It took a bit of time before I realized that Jack was just Jack, and flirting is his favorite thing to do in the world.” The Doctor sighed. “Let’s not talk about Mickey, though. At least, let’s save it for another night.”

Rose chuckled then swirled the wine in her glass. No, let’s not talk about how jealous you were of Mickey. Or how jealous I tried to make you of Mickey, she thought, looking into her glass, losing herself in memories both pleasant and unpleasant for a second with a ghost of a smile on her face before she set it on the table. She decided to change the subject.

“We still have to come up with a name for you, Doctor.”

He groaned and threw his head back against the pillows of her couch, then leaned forward and set his own wine on her coffee table. “Why can’t I just be the Doctor?”

“Well,” she began, “if you’re going to live here, you’re going to need legal documentation. Paperwork. Psychic paper is only good for so much, you know. And even psychic paper will need a name you give it.”

He made a noise of grudging assent. “I don’t know what I want my name to be.”

“Why don’t you want to use John Smith? It’s always worked before.”

“I used it for a while on Earth, in 1913. It wasn’t an experience I like to think about. It just soured the name for me.”

“Ah.” Rose didn’t say anything else, she just let the curiosity gnaw at her quietly. She’d find out eventually. “William? Thomas? James?”

“Any of those are fine. Would you like to just choose the name? I trust you to name me.”

She pondered her knee for a moment. “How about a color for a surname?”

“What, as in yellow or pink?” He raised his eyebrow at her. “That interested in laying a claim on me?” Rose blushed.

“I was thinking more along the lines of Brown or White. Possibly Green or Black or Grey.”

“I’ve been thinking...” he paused, as if hesitant to carry on. “I’ve been thinking of taking on ‘Noble’ as a surname.” Rose was surprised but said nothing. “You see, I do have a bit of Donna in me, one could argue that I’m the other Donna’s sibling in a way, so now that I’m in a position to choose a surname, it only makes sense to take her name...instead of Smith...of course, I’d like your input, since you’ll be around and saying it quite a bit. I hope?”

Rose eyed him for a minute. It truly was a sweet gesture that made sense, but this thing about John Smith was bugging her. “I would just prefer it if you were honest and told me what happened that made you not want to be John Smith anymore.” He winced and she knew he was unhappy that she wasn’t letting this go. She knew when he was hiding something, of course she knew. No one knew him like she did.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m ashamed.”

She paled at his answer but her voice was calm when she responded. “I’m quite sure there is nothing for you to be ashamed of. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“Rose,” he began, and his voice came out as a moan. “Please don’t…”

“Tell me, Doctor. I don’t want to hurt you or cause you any anguish, but I also don’t want any secrets between us. No skeletons in the closet.” He looked up at her and the one thing she’d just said she didn’t want to cause him was written all over her face. She felt like a monster when he just said her name. The tears sprung to her eyes unbidden and unwanted as her mind whirled with all the possibilities of what he could have done.

~*~O~*~

He sighed and buried his face in his hands, grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes. Rose’s eyes were glistening, and Rose Tears were his undoing. She knew this and never ever cried if she could possibly help it. He’d clearly greatly upset her by not telling her, but dammit! He could lose her over this. This could drive her away. But so could denying her the truth, or lying about it. He had no choice. “Alright. Alright. I’ll tell you.”

Rose sniffled and waited. “Alright.” The Doctor looked into her eyes, pleading silently with her to let him out of the trap he was in; he was met with only a guarded look.

He sighed and began. “Martha and I were being chased across the universe by the Family of Blood, a group of aliens who wanted to steal - well, basically to steal me. My consciousness. I put myself into the chameleon arch and put the Tardis into emergency mode 7. She created a new identity for myself and Martha, psychically manipulated everyone in the place we landed into remembering me and my and Martha’s identity, and protected us as best she could. My Time Lord consciousness went into a fob watch. Martha knew the truth, and I left her with detailed instructions. She was to guard me, keep both of us safe while we hid, while I had no idea who I was.”

He took another deep breath and looked at her pleadingly. She just looked back, an expectant look on all her features. _Please don’t make me hurt you, Rose_ He pleaded inside his mind. It didn’t seem to get through.

He continued. “The Tardis hid us at a boys’ boarding school in 1913. Martha was hired on as a maid and I was a professor. I knew nothing of who I was, except I kept a dream journal - every night I dreamed of myself as the Doctor. I drew pictures and detailed my dreams the next day. I dreamed of you, and I drew you. I dreamed of our adventures. But there was a matron there, a nurse. She and I…” He hesitated.

“You and she what, Doctor?” Rose asked, and the hurt in her voice was crippling.

“I was only there for a couple of days, but I fancied her. John Smith fancied her. I - he kissed her and took her to a dance. When the watch was returned to me because The Family of Blood had found me, I didn’t believe what I was being told - that I was a Time Lord with so much unbelievable power. I wanted to stay a simple professor. She and I both touched the fob and it showed us what was possible if I stayed. Marriage, family, long life.

“I saw it all, and I came back.”

The Doctor hung his head, waiting for her to respond. She was quiet for a long while, until he finally looked up at her. “So that’s why John Smith is not as comfortable for me anymore. I’m reminded of the time I was unfaithful to your memory.”

Rose looked confused. “So, let me get this straight, Doctor.” He flinched at her tone. “You were worried I would be angry, correct?”

“Yes.”

“About something that The Other Doctor did.” She was pointing at nothing now, punctuating her words with sharp jabs of her finger to the air. “The Doctor who never told me he loved me. The Doctor who left me. The Doctor who couldn’t be buggered to try to get to me, even though I built a bloody damn cannon to get to him?”

The Doctor was horrified. Did she really feel that way about him? Did she really differentiate between the two like that? If that was how she coped then he could understand, but he hadn’t taken into account what that might mean. He’d thought she knew, that it had made sense to her. What on the hell was she going to think of him when she didn’t differentiate anymore?

“And not only something that he did, something that he did while he had no memory of himself. Why would I be angry at _you_ for that?”

“Rose, I-”

“No, I’m not angry at you in the least. I can’t be angry at you for something he did. Especially not something that he did unintentionally.”

She was trying. She was working around to it. He knew that she understood the situation, about who was who. She had been through a regeneration, after all, so that part was easy. He was sure that what was bothering her was being told the same face had different souls, then the soul you felt safe with running away and leaving you. But she had to make sense of things her own way, in her own time.

 _No. To hell with that._ He couldn’t let her think that he wasn’t who he actually was for a second.

“Rose, come here.” He stood up, grabbing her by the hand and dragged her to the mirror over the fireplace, standing her in front of it. “Do you see that?” She nodded. “Which one is Rose?”

“I am.”

“But the other one also said ‘I am’, did you see that? They’re the same in every way. Everything you do, she’ll do. You’re the same. Exactly the same. You were one person until you walked in front of this mirror, and then suddenly there’s another one. Do you understand?”

Rose’s eyes filled with tears, but he plowed on. “This is like that, it’s so much like that, but with an actual human being. There was one person, one Doctor, until he created a human version. I did those things. I was John Smith in 1913. I was the one who couldn’t tell you he loved you. I was the one who didn’t tear time and space apart to get to you, and I’m so, so sorry for that. But do you know who else I am?”

She shook her head.

He grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around to face him, making sure she was looking into his eyes. “I’m the one who didn’t leave you - who _won’t_ leave you. I’m the one who will grow old with you, if you’ll have me. I’m the one who belongs with you - _to_ you.” 

Rose’s eyes welled, and he pulled her a little closer. “M’all yours, Rose Tyler.” He picked up her hand and placed it over his heart, letting her feel it thump before he picked up her other hand and placing it where his other heart would have been. “There’s just the one, and it’s all yours,” he said softly.

The tears that had been gathering in her eyes fell to her cheeks, sliding downwards to her chin, falling off to land on the ground. She bowed her head, leaving her hands against his chest, under his hands, and he left them there, giving her a moment to cry.

 

“Rose?” he asked when he couldn’t stand it any longer. “What is it?” She shook her head, her hair swaying about her face, tickling his arms. “Talk to me, Rose.” She shook her head again and began to drop her forehead towards his chest. He pulled her to him slowly, wrapping his arms around her snugly. His shoulders sagged in relief when she slipped her arms around his waist.

The Doctor buried his face in her hair and kissed the top of her head before he could help himself, then murmured, “I’m so sorry, Rose. So, so sorry. Can you forgive me, ever?”

Rose’s grip around him tightened and she adjusted her head so that her face was pressed into his neck. He closed his eyes and felt her breath against his skin, thankful to every god he’d ever encountered for this moment.

“I just can’t believe it’s you. It’s really you. I missed you so much; you were gone and I was never going to see you again. I was not okay, Doctor. Just not okay at all without you. Now here you are, and…” he felt the tears against his shoulder and she said nothing else.

He stroked her back, rocking her gently.

“I’m never leaving again, Rose,” he said, his lips brushing her forehead. “Do you remember when you said you were going to stay with me forever? This is me telling you that I’m going to stay with you forever.”

“Doctor,” she asked slowly, after she regained herself a bit. “Do you remember the first time you kissed me?”

He answered carefully. “D’you mean when you were Cassandra?”

“No, I mean when you kissed me and meant it.”

“You mean after I smashed the mirror?”

“No, I mean the first time. The night of the delta wave, on the Gamestation. When I looked into the vortex and you regenerated.”

The Doctor pulled his face back so he could look at her, stunned. “I didn’t think you remembered that. I didn’t think -”

“I didn’t, right away. I remembered later. But you didn’t have to kiss me, did you? You could have taken the time vortex away from me just by looking into my eyes or something, couldn’t you?” Rose looked into his eyes.

The Doctor nodded. “But you’d come back for me, you’d sacrificed so much for me, and I just couldn’t help myself. I knew I was going to die, I knew that meant regeneration. I was afraid I’d come back as something terribly undesirable to you, and I was desperate to have that one memory of you in my arms in case I came back as a Santoran or something.”

“Why did you wait so long to kiss me again?” she asked, almost whispering when he looked up into her eyes.

“I wanted to. I wanted to so badly, Rose,” he said, his voice almost pleading. “But like I told you that night with the Krillitanes, I was destined to leave you behind back then. I was afraid of getting too close. But if the truth were known, I was already far too close by then. Couldn’t stop touching you, even if I did my best to keep it to innocent touches.”

“Holding my hand…”

“Hugging you…” He nestled her closer in his arms in front of the fireplace.

“Holding me in the library when we’d watch the telly…” Rose’s eyes kept flicking down to his lips and she wet them involuntarily. The Doctor felt his one heart speed up.

“Yes. I quite enjoyed that. I missed it very much when you were gone.”

“That’s why your room at Mum’s was decorated that way, you know.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

She nudged a little closer, her shoulder coming into contact with his side and he draped his arm around her. “Yeah. I missed you so much. I wanted a place to go that reminded me of you. It was foolish, because everything reminded me of you. Everything. You’d been in my parents house that time with the cybermen, remember? When we were posing as waitstaff? So everything I looked at, I could picture you standing beside it.”

“Sounds like something I did. Maybe I’ve told you about it.”

“You have, but I like hearing you talk.” Rose kissed him then, a brushing of the lips so faint it was a whisper. His hands moved to cup her face, as if to keep her from getting away from him yet another time, and he kissed her; softly pressing his lips to hers, a delicate prayer only she could answer and he’d only ever want her to. His lips were soft and warm, and she knew in that moment - away from the adrenaline of the beach, away from the confusion and swirl of emotions on the beach - that the man kissing her was the only man she’d ever loved, her Doctor. 

Their lips moved together slowly, easily, the meeting of equals. There was no battle, there was only two people accepting the other, finding each other again, remembering each other’s touch. Prayers and promises between the two. Devotion and love.

The Doctor pulled back, kissing tip of Rose’s nose and putting his forehead against hers. “Remember the first time we did that?” he asked her quietly. “Really did that?”

She nodded. “After you came back from Madame de Pompadour.”

He smiled and nodded. “Do you remember the song we danced to that night, because I owed you a dance?” She nodded. “Do you have it?”

Rose smiled and gave him a soft, quick kiss before going to the coffee table, reaching around empty containers to the small remote on the table and pressing a couple of buttons. Music started and the Doctor stepped to her, offering his hand. She looked into his eyes and he pulled her close to him. He looped an arm around her waist and pulled their joined hands between them to rest on their chests. Rose lay her head on his shoulder, the feel of the cotton beneath her cheek unfamiliar but the strength of his shoulder so, so familiar and he began to sway her. She closed her eyes and let herself get lost in his familiar scent, the touch she’d missed so much, everything about him.

The stereo crooned softly:  
_There’s a battle ahead, many battles are lost_  
_But you’ll never see the end of the road while you’re traveling with me_

“Rose?” He said, his cheek on her hair.

“Hmm?”

She felt him maneuvering their hands to lay hers flat against his chest, on top of his heart. “Do you feel that?” She nodded. “I’m repeating myself, I know, but forgive me.” She nodded, and he went on. “It’s the only one I’ve got.” Rose nodded again. “It’s yours, Rose Tyler. I love you. For as long as this life lasts, I love you and I’m yours.”

She removed her hands, looping her arms around his neck. He bent to accommodate her and their lips met again, Rose pulling his body flush to hers, her lips moving against his. Perfection, she thought, feeling his arms tighten around her. She slipped one hand up to card her fingers in his hair, and he groaned into her mouth, bending her backwards slightly. She dug her nails into his scalp and balanced on one leg, letting the other tip upwards.

_When the world comes in_  
_They come, they come to build a wall between us_  
_You know they won’t win_

He broke from her slowly, kissing her softly in shorter intervals until he began dropping feather-light kisses all over her face, murmuring against her skin. He slid one hand up her spine to her neck, tangling slightly in her collar, stopping at her neck and landing one last kiss on her forehead before putting his chin there.

“Can you ever forgive me, love?”

“You’ve already asked me that.”

“You didn’t answer.”

“For what?” she whispered, rolling her forehead against his chin.

“So many things. Waiting too long to kiss you before. To touch you. For not telling you I loved you until ten days ago. I’m so sorry, Rose.”

She shook her head, pulling away to look up at him. “You’re here now.”

“I am.” He swayed back and forth with her for a few moments before he pulled away from her and smiled suddenly. “Did you really build a dimensional cannon to get back to me?”

She swatted at him. “Shut it, you,” she began, but his mouth was on hers again before she could finish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, we had to get through back-to-school madness. :) There's a lot more of this, though. I've got a lot written that's just about ready to post, some that's written and needs to be edited and some notes that need to be written. Thankfully, I also have magical, wonderful FREE TIME now, so yay! (unless you're not liking this, in which case boo!)
> 
> I've got a good bit of the NineRose prequel to this ready to post, that should go up in the next day or so. Oddly enough, the hardest part of that is coming up with a name for the series. I haven't started typing up the TenRose (although that series is named - 'Oops, Wrong Planet'), but I have a huge amount written longhand. 
> 
> My super-fluffy ballroom dancing one-shot that I had intended to be part of a 5+1 got a good response, so I've made notes for more of that. 
> 
> Long story short: there's a whole lot of Doctor x Rose coming down the line from me in the near future.


	8. Making Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor and Rose begin to make plans for a future together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading! I've written three other stories for this 'verse, not sure if they'll be one-shots or if I'll break them into multi-chaps but they should be up soon, if you're interested!
> 
> Disclaimers:  
> I own nothing. If I did, I'd be writing for the BBC! :)  
> Your kudos and comments mean the whole, big wide world to me. Thank you.  
> Send me prompts, ideas, or just talk to me! caedmonfaith.tumblr.com
> 
> <3 Thank you!

They lay in the grass of the park on the emergency blanket that Rose kept in the boot of her car, looking up into the sky, holding hands. Each of them pointed out clouds to the other, noting their shapes and finding patterns in them before a zeppelin would come along and change its shape altogether. Rose felt a warm sense of contentment lying with him under the sun, her shoes kicked off, the sun bright on her face, The Doctor running his thumb along hers every now and again. She turned her head to his and looked at him, smiling happily.

He rolled his head towards her, a quizzical grin on his own face. “What?” he asked.

“Nothing. Just happy, is all.” 

It was true. She still had some things she was unsure about, some things that gave her pause. Some things still hurt, and she knew that there were lots of things left to say, arguments to be had, tears left to shed. They were both wounded, had both lost so much when that blue box flew away, so much was left uncertain. 

The man who held her hand was different - in a handful of tiny ways and a couple of big ways. He was more organized and could type. She had caught him thumbing through the glossy magazines he'd always snorted at before. He was more intuitive somehow - he'd always been incredibly in tune with her, but now he seemed to have a better instinct about others. He no longer liked strawberry jam. She'd have never believed it, but he was sassier than ever.

He was also her Doctor, and she couldn't deny it. Didn't even try to. He still touched his tongue to the back of his teeth when he was really pleased with something or himself. He had annoyed Anita by asking for bananas every day; Rose had kept a constant supply in her own kitchen to keep the peace. He still called her 'Rose Tyler' often, just because, and he still whined her name ("RO _ooo_ ooooose!", nearly turning one syllable into three) when she denied him something he really, really wanted. He popped his consonants (particularly his p's) when he wanted to emphasize something, and giggled if she caught him just right. He dragged out the word "well" when he was stalling for time. 

His eyes grew stormy and dark if he thought she were threatened, and when he put on his leather jacket Rose could swear for just a moment she could hear a northern accent and see blue eyes. He ran his fingers through his hair when he was puzzled or frustrated, and he tapped his fingers in the same rhythm he always had when he was feeling impatient with her. She recognized his footfalls, the feel of his hand, his scent, and his kiss.

There was a little Donna in him, but not nearly enough to make a difference. Not enough to throw her off. 

No, what threw her off was that this Doctor, the man who held her hand, had committed to forever with her. He had no reservations at all about telling her he loved her, he told her frequently. He'd been unafraid to let his love show, anywhere and everywhere. 

This was her Doctor, and while she understood and accepted that there were kinks to work out, there were things that would have to be sorted between the two of them and these early days would be different for them than for any other couple, she was sure of him. Rose Tyler knew that the man, this Doctor John Noble who held her hand and lay beside her in the grass was the same man who lay beside her in the apple grass of New Earth. 

Rose was sure that she made the right decision when she ordered the dimension cannon dismantled that morning. She was happy, and knew more happiness lay ahead. Challenges, oh yes. But she was going to do exactly what he had told her to do once, years and years ago.

_Have a good life, Rose. Do that for me. Have a fantastic life._

Rose was going to do just that, and she was going to do it with him.

~*~O~*~

The Doctor gave her hand a squeeze and Rose smiled at the affection, rolling her head back to him. “Did you see Donna at all while I was away?”

“I did, we've been texting a bit and I rang her around for dinner night before last. That alright?”

“‘Course it is.”

“She seemed to think it may not be when she showed up and you weren’t there.”

“Ah, well, tabloids might make a thing of it at some point. Probably will, come to think of it. But you don't need my permission to have dinner with your friends.”

The Doctor looked back up at the sky and squinted; Rose wasn't sure if he was shielding his eyes against the sun or pensive. “Didn’t think of photographers.”

“Really, Doctor. I don’t mind as long as she doesn’t. If she does, then I’ll tag along but the photographers come part and parcel. S'nothing I can do about it. And if she doesn’t want that, then we can’t put her through it. I won’t drag her through a media spectacle.”

The Doctor nodded towards the clouds. “Understood. I won’t either.”

"Speaking of...have you heard the clicking yet?” she asked, turning her head back towards him.

“'Course I have,” he turned back to her. “In those bushes, about a hundred yards east.”

“Yeah. I just made sure I was decent.”

“Quite right,” he grinned.

They looked back up at the sky at the lazily rolling clouds. The warmth of the sun covered Rose like a blanket while The Doctor’s hand stroked hers rhythmically. She felt her mind wander...memories flooded her. Dancing with Doctor in the library, their hands tucked between them. Under a blanket on the couch, watching a movie that Rose had picked; the Doctor hated it, of course, but he watched just to humor her. It became almost a sport between them after a while - he would watch and feign interest as long as he could, then begin to sneak kisses and attempt to distract her. He always won that game - but really, had there been any losers? She’d not finished a movie in ages by the time they parted. The first time the credits rolled on a movie after she arrived on Pete’s World she’d cried for hours, even though it had been a screwball comedy.

The warmth of the sun reminded her of the two of them lying together at night, warm and safe in each others embrace, no barriers between them, tangled in sheets. He was never cold but always worried she would be. The Doctor would sit up as soon as her skin wasn't toasty warm enough to please him and, muttering something about inferior human biology, he'd pull the duvet over them, settling back down and snuggling her close until she fell asleep. Once she was asleep he would get up for a while; Rose would roll over in the middle of the night to find him gone, but it never alarmed her, not really. She always woke again in the morning to find him there with her, curled against her back, sometimes sleeping, sometimes just waiting for her to wake up, sometimes encouraging her to wake up with kisses to the shoulder and neck.

He may leave for a while, but her Doctor always came back to her.

Her Doctor never left her for long. 

_Her Doctor..._

~*~O~*~

“Rose?”

She started and her head snapped up, looking around a little wildly. The Doctor stroked her hand soothingly. “I’m sorry, love, I didn’t mean to wake you. You had nodded off." He grinned cheekily. "You were beginning to snore.”

She scoffed. “I don’t snore.”

“Yes, sweetheart, you do. Always have.” Rose rolled her eyes and tried not to blush under the endearment. “I woke you, though, because I was asking if you want to regrow the Tardis.”

“Yes, of course.” Rose yawned and rolled over onto her side, one hand holding his and the other smoothing her skirt to make sure the photographers in the bushes didn't get a picture that would earn them a year's pay.

“It will take a minimum of three years, and more likely five,” the Doctor warned.

Rose smiled at him, trying to reinforce her words. “I can wait. Can you?”

“With you I can.” He squeezed her hand.

“What needs to happen?”

“Well…” he said slowly, tugging his ear. Rose smiled again and her heart fluttered just a bit at the familiar gesture. _Yes. This is my Doctor, and I have made the right decision._

“It can’t be done here," he said. "Do you happen to know if there’s a time rift in Cardiff on this Earth, by chance?”

**Author's Note:**

> This work is part of a new series I'm starting called _Nearly Human_. This particular work, also titled ' _Nearly Human_ ' (and quite originally, if I can say so) is the beginning of Rose and Tentoo's tale. The stories in the series will all be in the same 'verse...some will build off of each other, but some will just be one-shots. 
> 
> I have a _lot_ written in this 'verse, but it needs to be typed up and edited. I've only ever done one series before a long time ago, so I may be going about this all wrong. Forgive me if I screw it up and have to edit some things around! :)


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